Club Seals

CurlingScoops.com

2008-02-18T19:42:00.002-03:30

Sorry for not updating Club Seals as often as I should. Something as awesome as this really deserves my daily attention, yet I've been neglecting it. Oh well, blame it on university.

But I'm happy to report that I've been working on another project... www.CurlingScoops.com

For those of you who follow curling should bookmark that site. Right now. Because it's awesome and will tell you everything you need/want to know about curling. Well, probably not everything... yet. It's only a baby, just a few days old. But stay tuned, it's going to be awesome. It's already got the past few days of the Scotties Tournament of Hearts all covered. And I plan on keeping it up to date when the Brier rolls around. So spread the world, curling fans, and get your scoop of curling news at CurlingScoops.com

Holy Moly... Four babies?!

2007-08-17T18:34:00.000-02:30

So this chick from Calgary had quadruplets. My first reaction... "that's gotta suck."

But that's just me.

Though apparently the really rare part is that the quadruplets are identical, meaning they all split from a single egg. As if four babies isn't rare enough, having this happen is a one out of 13 million.

The hospital, obviously new this was coming, and made arrangements to make sure there was there was room for four babies in the neonatal facility. But, as luck would have it, the night before these quadruplets were born, two other premature babies were born and used up all the spots. So, just as the mother was going in to labor, they shipped her off to Montana to have the babies.

When the couple found out, months ago obviously, that they were having quadruplets, they nicknamed the babies "Baby A, Baby B, Baby C, and Baby D" until they could come up with actual names. The funny part is, they kept those names... sort of. They named the babies Autumn, Brooke, Calissa, and Dahlia.

Princess Goes to Jail

2007-05-05T14:44:00.000-02:30

Some people give the justice system a hard time. Killers being set free... innocent people on death row... well there's finally some justice in the world. Mega Bitch Paris Hilton is going to prison.

As little miss snot-face got all teary and sad, the judge sentenced her to 45-days in jail for violating her probation for knowingly driving without a license.

It's about time that Hilton was given what she deserves—well, a small fraction of what she deserves, at least—and is thrown in jail. Reporters were saying that throughout the hearing, Paris wasn't taking it seriously and was seeking to be placed above the law.

You know what her defence was? "I didn't know I wasn't allowed to drive."
It's her own fault if she refuses to listen to people when they talk to her and tell her stuff. Just for that, she should be given even more time.

The judge said "In my opinion, there's not doubt that she knew that her license had been suspended. She doesn't look at her mail, her personal assistant never goes through it either. ... I think she just wanted to disregard everything that was said and continued to drive no matter what."

Paris' mom even yelled at the judge after the ruling, calling him "pathetic". You know what is pathetic? A 26 year who thinks they're a celebrity, rules don't apply to them, can't take care of them self, and the world revolves around them just because their dad has a successful hotel chain. That's quite pathetic.

When I first heard about this, me and my friends were joking around, saying that "oh, they must have finally outlawed stupidity." But if that were the case, she definitely would've gotten more than 45 days. She probably would've been given the chair. Or worse. They'd have to invent a new punishment just for her. Hey, here's an idea. They could crucify her and make it into a reality show. She likes being on TV, right?

Anagramarama!

2007-04-24T23:45:00.000-02:30

You know what's fun? Anagrams. Here's some awesome ones I came up with.

First off, let's start with my name

"Brad Norman" = "Random Barn"

Next one... how about (in honour of Heather Mills), "you smell like socks". That can be rearranged to say "so... moles likely suck."

Speaking of Heather Mills, her name can be rearranged to spell "ill hamster, eh?"

And to finish off this random entry... "Club Seals is deadly" can spell "Icy dudes, less a ball."

You're So Gregarious!

2007-04-23T13:39:00.000-02:30

Are you offended by that? Honestly... what was your first impression? It sounds like such a devious and menacing adjective, doesn't it? Sounds like something a news reporter would use to describe a murder or something... "It was a vicious and gregarious murder today at the dog park..." or "that gregarious monster ruthlessly beat his victim...."

Words are funny. Because gregarious actually has absolutely nothing to do with super villains (or even just normal villains). It's Dictionary.com's word-of-the-day today, and apparently it means "Seeking and enjoying the company of others". Cool eh?

So honestly, leave a comment and say what your first impression of this word. Would you have been offended if someone randomly called your gregarious (before you knew what it meant)?

Lovely Ass Lumps

2007-04-23T00:26:00.000-02:30

At the request of my good friend Mike Sleep, I will be talking today about hemorrhoids.

So, first the basics. What is a hemorrhoid? Basically, they are varicosities or swelling of your butt's blood vessels. Hurts to sit on 'em, apparently.

What causes one to develop one of these suckers? Well, I'm glad you asked. You can be genetically predisposed to them, which really sucks. Bad genes could lead to weaker ass tissue, which makes it easier to get them. However, trying too hard when taking a dump can also cause one, even without bad genes. In fact, sometimes even having bad posture can make a person develop one.

If you have bad genes though, don't worry. Avoiding them is not too tricky. All you need to do is drink lots of water, keep your fiber intake high (which is a good idea anyways) and exercise a lot. Simple as that.

So thank you Mike, for encouraging this very informative entry... and for providing that very appropriate and professionally drawn image.

Sens Beat Pens

2007-04-19T23:36:00.000-02:30

It was a quick series, only five games. But the Ottawa Senators beat down the Penguins pretty good, allowing only one goal in the last two games of the series. Not bad. Emery's really bringing it. I was personally going for the Pittsburgh, but I guess it's good that Ottawa won. They're the only Canadian team left in the eastern conference, so... yeah, might as well go for them.

But hey, the Penguins have an incredible team... just ridiculously inexperienced. There are no more than ten of their players who have ever been in the playoffs before. But come on... look at this team. Crosby, Malkin, Staal... that's a pretty bright future right there. Three of the best players in the NHL (except for Ovechkin) are all on this team. It's crazy.

But yeah, the Senators are one step closer to the Stanley cup... something they should've had last year, if it weren't for Dominik Hassek going to the Olympics and pulling his groin. Let's see if Emery can do any better...

Home Made Sperm

2007-04-14T14:24:00.000-02:30

Ever want to make your own sperm? Well, most guys do this anyways... but ladies, any of you ever want to make your own sperm? Well a bunch of scientists are coming close to making human sperm out of bone marrow! So if you have bone marrow (which I hope you do), you can make your very own sperm!

It's not quite that simple... and it's not even all that necessary, but yeah... they're getting close to finding a way to do it.

Research led by Professor Karim Nayernia showed that if you extract "mesenchymal" stem cells from the bone marrow, stimulate it with a bit of vitamin A, these cells will actually develop into germ cells. Germ cells are the things that grow up to be sperm. They haven't found a way to make these cells go through meiosis (the process that makes them true blue sperm... well, not blue...) in a laboratory yet. However, one experiment that they did with mice (yeah yeah, poor mice... suck it Heather Mills) involved the same process of stimulating the bone marrow (from the mouse) with vitamin A, but then they implanted the germ cells into the testis of live mice. And voila. They grew into real live working sperm. They haven't tried this out of humans yet... for obviously reasons... very few guys will volunteer to have their nuts chopped open so some hairy old scientists can grow artificial sperm inside.

But either way, it's pretty interesting... and frightening. If this technology gets perfected, it would mean that men would become obsolete. More seriously though, it opens the doors to lesbian couples actually giving birth to a child that is biologically related to both of them by making sperm from the bone marrow of one women and then fertilizing the other woman with it. Neat-o.

A Burning Ring of Fire

2007-04-11T23:45:00.000-02:30

Country singer Johnny Cash's house burned to the ground. Well, it's not his house anymore... but the house that he and June Carter once lived in. It's gone.

The house in Hendersonville, Tennessee was home to the legend from 1968 until his death in 2003.

The current owner of the house, Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees, was doing some renovations when a spark ignited some wood preservative. The Hendersonville fire chief is saying that the spark flew from the ridiculous amount of friction caused by Gibb's unnecessarily tight pants.

Ok, so I made up that part about the pants. But that's my theory.

In conclusion... don't sell anything to the Bee Gees that you don't want to be set on fire. Those guys are just far too irresponsible. Exhibit A: Those shirts...

Need I say more?

Toronto Maples Leafs Win the Stanley Cup!!

2007-04-08T11:26:00.000-02:30

...well, close enough. In the absolutely most dramatic game imaginable last night—last game of the season, biggest rivalry in NHL history, the loser is eliminated from the playoffs—the Toronto Maples Leafs defeated the Montreal Canadians with a come-from-behind victory in the third period.

Now, based on the first period, the Leafs should've owned the Habs and won by at least thirty eight goals. They were out shooting Montreal by 20-2 after the first eight minutes of the game. By the end of the first, despite the landslide number of shots, the Leafs only led 2-1.

However, Newfoundland native Michael Ryder scored a hat trick within less than six minutes in the second period, giving Montreal a pretty big lead.

Anyways, Toronto scored a couple more times in the third to get a 6-5 win, and that's all she wrote. Leafs win. Montreal stinks, and will not make the playoffs. Despite the awesome win and the excitement following the game, the Leafs aren't home free yet. The New York Islanders are only one point behind them, and they play their last game of the season tonight against the New Jersey Devils. If New York wins, that moves them one point ahead of the leafs, and last night means squat... well, aside from the fact that they knocked their rivals out of the playoffs... so either way it's a pretty sweet deal.

In an ironic twist, the Leafs' Thomas Kaberle said after the game that he would be cheering for the Devils in the game against New York... even after all the things he said about the Devils being cheap and dirty after Cam Jannsen knocked Kaberle out with a cheap hit a few weeks ago.

Mats Sundin actually said that "We'll be praying that [Brodeur] is [playing]," after the Devils thought of resting their star goaltender. The Devils are already in the playoffs regardless of what happens, so to put in their superstar and risk injuring him right before the playoffs is a bit risky. But for the Leafs, having Brodeur between the pipes ensures their own trip to the playoffs.

Bryan McCade (Leafs defenceman) said ''I got to go to church Sunday. The biggest church day of the year is Easter Sunday. I know I'll be there with my wife and kid and I'll be praying.''

Guns Kill People?

2007-04-04T11:39:00.000-02:30

Lawyers have been famous for being evil, and twisting just about anything to make criminals seem like heroes. But the lawyer of William Whary, the man charged with murdering 18-year-old Sara Easton in Edmonton, takes the cake. Here's the lawyer's case: when Wharry fired the gun at Easton, he did not intend to harm her. Now, I understand that there are people who have lived sheltered existences... but nobody living in the modernized world would ever think for a minute that being shot is going to tickle. Wharry's lawyer tried to convince the court that the gun was only fired at the group of friends to scare them.

So here's what went down. Wharry spotted Easton walking home from her birthday celebration (the fact that she was murdered on her birthday is kind of irrelevant, but all right). When Wharry saw the group of people, he stopped his car and fired three shots at them; one hitting a truck, one hitting a tree, and the third hitting Easton in the face.

Maybe—just maybe—the lawyer could make a good argument for the "scare tactic" if only one shot was fired. And maybe if there was a jury filled with mindless, gullible seal protesters, he could get them to believe two shots were to scare them. But nobody is going to believe that three shots is anything less than an attempt to kill (or to badly injure, at the very least).

A Porn Domain

2007-03-30T12:54:00.000-02:30

There's .com's, .net's, .org's, and website address endings for nearly every country in the globe and the porn industry wants to add another: .xxx

They've been throwing the idea at the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) for a while now. However hard they try to get this domain name ratified, ICANN keeps shooting down the idea, and has once again shot it down.

Ironically, the porn industry proposed this ideal for moral reasons. For once, they are "thinking of the children". Parents are always afraid that their kids will stumble across porn sites by accidentally misspelling some common .com addresses. By having a .xxx domain, all adult entertainment sites would have to be restricted to .xxx addresses, therefore freeing up all those tangly .com addresses.

Sounds like a good idea, right? Harder for people to accidentally stumble into porn sites, and easier for those looking for porn to find it. So why does this seemingly good idea keep being turned down by ICANN? Screening websites. Somebody will have to go through all the websites, billions and billions of them, and find any porn ones and give them the boot. And, to be fair to the porn kings, they'd have to trudge through all those .xxx addresses to make sure non-porn or even anti-porn sites appear. That's a hefty job for anyone to do... and so, ICANN won't be making the .xxx address... and a loud cheer erupts from the NetNanny corporation.

Promise-lie... Potato-Potato

2007-03-29T09:18:00.000-02:30

Okay, so that "po-tay-toe" / "po-tah-toe" thing really doesn't work when you type it, but you get the picture.

Basically, Stephen Harper doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference between a lie and a promise. To help him out a bit, I had this interview with a specialist in the area, 5-year-old little Billy from kindergarten.

"So, Billy, do you know what the difference between a lie and a promise is?"

"Yes. A promise is when you say something and you got to do it no matter what. And a lie is when you say something that isn't true."

Very good Billy. Hear that Harper? They're not the same.

This is all because Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams placed a pile of ads in newspapers across Canada. The ads quoted various "promises" made by Stephen Harper during the last election, and then contrasted these statements with what actually unfolded in the recent budget. In big bold letters, the ad quotes Stephen Harper as saying "there is no greater fraud than a promise not kept."

Despite the full page ad, stuffed full of promises broken by Stephen Harper, the Prime Minister still says he has done nothing wrong. He doesn't feel he has broken any promise.

The odd part about this whole thing, is that Danny Williams seems somewhat surprised at the whole thing... as if he expected a politician to keep his promise. Danny Williams threatened Harper long ago, saying that if he didn't keep his promise, Newfoundland would deliver a "goose egg" for the Tories in the next election. Although it is quite possible that this will happen, Harper doesn't care. Newfoundland has 7 seats. It's "only" Newfoundland to Harper... we don't need any particular attention. Seriously Danny, who do you think we are? Alberta?

Stealing a "Star's" Thunder

2007-03-26T21:30:00.000-02:30

So Heather Mills thinks people like her. She is pissed because Paul (former husband/bitch) was seen in public with his new girlfriend. The nerve of him, a full grown man... going out in public with a girl. Scandalous!

She claims that McCartney is trying to "steal her thunder". What thunder, you might ask? Well apparently Heather is going to be on "Dancing With The Stars". I never knew. Not only did I not know, I didn't even care. You know what's worse than reality TV? Reality TV with washed up celebrities. You know what's worse than reality TV with washed up celebrities? Heather Mills.

If anything, she should be thankful that Paul is taking some attention from her sad attempt to get famous again so she can continue her crusade to unemploy hard working Newfoundlanders.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat some seal oil capsules.

Hula Hoop, or Air Humping?

2007-03-23T19:19:00.000-02:30

The host of this new CBC show, "Living Newfoundland and Labrador", Krista Rudofsky sure can't hula hoop. She was killing time on the CBC news hour tonight by showing that the "sport" of hula hooping is alive and well in St. John's by talking to some lady with dreds who was all about the hula hoops.

Anyways, Krista decided to give it a shot. One word can describe it. Hilarious. She spread her legs out as if she were riding a horse and went to town with the pelvic thrusts. Looked more like air humping. But she was loving it. Big ol' smile on her face and everything. Despite her best humping, she only managed to keep the hula hoop up for a couple seconds. However, the girl with dreds was actually quite impressive. I didn't think I would ever think hula hooping was ever "impressive", but she kinda was. She had three going at once... going around her waist, around her arms, hopping on one foot, and moving them from her knees up to her neck and everything. It was crazy.

This is in no way news of any sort... but hey, this is Newfoundland. I think having an exciting news story is really too much to ask for. Sure there's the whole "Stephen Harper hates Newfoundland and Danny's pissed at him" thing... but that's boring.

Swimmin' on Mars

2007-03-18T20:07:00.000-02:30

There's water on Mars. Lots of it, in fact. A bunch of old NASA guys used some infrared technology to track down a huge lump of ice at Mars' south pole. They're estimating there's enough water there to flood the entire Martian surface in 30 feet of water if the whole chuck were to ever melt.

Translation: humans shouldn't live on Mars. We have a tendency to pollute planets until they're broken and overheated. At least on Earth if we melt all the water, not all the land would be submerged. Despite what a bunch of panicky naive tabloid readers will tell you, the vast majority of Earth would stay dry. Yes, a lot of it would be wiped out, but life could still go on.

No so on Mars, however. Now I know that moving humans to Mars is still a long ways away, but if they want to do it, they're really going to have to get this whole "Global Warming" thing figured out first... or all that money NASA putting into this Mars jazz is all going to be flushed down the crapper.

On a somewhat related note, on December 18th, 2007, Mars will reach its closest points to Earth in years. Because Earth and Mars both orbit the sun in elliptical orbits (non-circular), they are at varying distances from each other. So, if you ever wanted to get a good look at Mars, break out your telescope on December 18th. They're saying that you should be able to see surface features and everything even with a normal department store telescope. Neat.

Yep, I'm still Alive. Thanks for asking.

2007-03-13T19:44:00.000-02:30

Well it's been far too long since I last posted. I want to write something more regularly, but I just have so much going on between school and whatnot. But I'll make an effort. And thanks to all those spammers who kept emailing me, trying to get me to put links from my blog to your websites. I give you all a collective "no".

Anyways, keeping with the theme of spamming... I have a new book out. Buy it.

It's called The Oris. It officially goes on sale April 16th, but you can order a copy from Amazon right now if you like. For more info on the book and whatnot, just check out my website (www.BradNorman.com)

Cool... so with that out of the way... I suppose I should write something that is at least somewhat newsworthy.

Apparently, Viacom decided to sue the popular video blog site YouTube. For how much? One BILLION dollars. Yes. Billion. Why? Viacom (the company behind TV stations like MTV, VH1, Comedy Central, etc) asked YouTube to remove unauthorized clips of Viacom shows from their website. There's over 100 000 of these "unauthorized" clips, including episodes of Sponge Bob and segments from The Daily Show. But come on... YouTube doesn't put those videos there themselves... their millions of users upload them. It's unrealistic to expect them to search for hours and hours every day to weed out all the "non-blog" videos. Sure they could do what other video-blog sites (such as Revver) did, as not allowed videos be available to the public until it has been viewed first by a moderator to ensure there's no copyright violations... but with the number of videos uploaded daily to YouTube, it could take days before a video gets approved. And that defeats the purpose of a blog. Imagine getting your newspaper three or four days late (not that my paper delivery person is far off that mark)... it would stink.

In conclusion... MTV is among the worst things to ever happen to the planet. For many many many more reasons that this.

Wii Wiish You a Merry Chriistmas.

2006-12-28T19:10:00.000-03:30

All right, lame title, a lot of ii's. But hey, tis this season...
And this Christmas, all the best boys and girls got a shiny new Nintendo Wii stuffed in their stocking. And what did the even luckier kids get? The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Oh yes. The greatest launch title ever and arguably the best game every on any system. And, for all of you who love Link and all his crazy adventures (admit it, you know you love it) here is a one hour documentary on the kickass guy with the green tunic. Right from his days of 2D NES to his latest trip to Hyrule with the Wii. Enjoy. What an awesome way to kick off my 100th post to Club Seals. It's bee good times.

Peter Boyle Dies

2006-12-14T12:28:00.000-03:30

Peter Boyle played Frank on Everybody Loves Raymond was are arguably the funniest character on the show. Personally, I think he was by far the funniest. No questions. His catch phrase "holy crap" was timed perfectly.

Nothing was ever funnier than when Robert and Raymond were fighting over the paint when they were painting Ray's house, and they accidentally covered their mom (played by Doris Roberts) with paint. Frank (Peter Boyle) comes around the corner and casually says "that could use another coat."
Haha, brilliant. Such a funny guy and his death is such a loss for comedy. Here's something I bet you didn't know. John Lennon was Peter's best man at his wedding. Cool, no?

Let's list off some of Peter Boyle's best quotes:

"Opera? Just what the world needs: more fat women screaming."

"I could have eaten a box of Alpha-Bits and crapped a better interview!"

"You don't know a monkey wrench from a monkey's ass. "

"'Luck' is the residue of good planning."

"What in the holy name of crap are you talking about?"

"Holy Crap!"

"You're even dumber than I tell people. "

[Frank walks in to everybody yelling] "Be quiet! Be quiet! " [Everybody quiets down] "I'm hungry."

"Maybe that's why I like animals. Woof. Moo. Quack. They tell it like it is."

"You're a trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?"

[Debra just got the book "To Kill a Mockingbird"] "I killed a bird once."

Suck it, Muckler

2006-12-12T16:55:00.000-03:30

John Muckler, GM of the Ottawa Senators, is such a baby. He had his shot last year to win the Stanley Cup, but that's gone and over now. Having stuck-up big headed players like Jason Spezza and Danny Heatly just won't cut it. Last year, they were the favorites to win the cup. That is, until the Olympics rolled around and their goalie, Dominic Hassek, was injured and out for the rest of the season. From then on, it was all down hill for the Senators and they were eventually blown out in the playoffs.

This year, they're picking up right where they left off. Sucking. Even though Muckler still says to the media that he has a dynasty in the making, the Sens were pounded 6-2 by the very very terrible Columbus Blue Jackets. Without Hassek, the Senators are nothing. They were never anything before him, and they're proving that they're nothing after him. The Sens coach thought that Hassek was faking the injury and refused to let Hassek be on the team again this year. That's just fine with Hassek. He moved to Detroit and is now their star goalie, and making more money and even gets more days off so he'll be well rested and healthy for the playoffs.

So John Muckler, you are the worst GM in the NHL... no matter how much money you spend on big-shot kids.

Kickass Music, Kickass Hot Sauce

2006-12-10T13:45:00.000-03:30

Is there nothing Joe Perry can't do?

A few days ago, I wrote about the pricey investment that Aerosmith made in some photos. Looks like Aerosmith's lead guitarist, Joe Perry, is investing in other things as well. Like hot sauce. Yes, that's right. It's called "Joe Perry's Rock Your World Hot Sauce". He even has two flavors: Boneyard Brew, and Mango Peach Tango.

I'm assuming it's similar to most other hot sauces... but the fact that it has a picture of Joe Perry rocking out on the label... it just makes it so worthwhile.

According to Joe Perry, "It's great for people who like 'livin on the edge'..." Well, you know he was going to throw in a song title somewhere to promote this. At least he didn't say "You should buy this... cause you 'don't want to miss a thing'." That would've been lame.

In conclusion, I need to re-write my letter to Santa.

Water On Mars

2006-12-06T15:16:00.000-03:30

They've been trying to prove it for so long, and now, they think they have. Scientists are now saying that liquid water has been found on Mars, or at least, it has been there within the past five years. They draw this conclusion from a few squiggly lines they found and they say that it had to be made by water. Maybe. Or maybe it's the same as when kids try to find pictures in the clouds. Obviously there's no actual pictures in the clouds, but if you want to see something bad enough, you'll see it if you look at a bunch of random shapes. I'm not saying there isn't water there, just don't get your swim suits on yet.

But what if there was? That'd be cool wouldn't it? Watching the aliens with their pool parties, going around on their yachts, little kid aliens holding lemonade stands... or... we could invade, steal their water, so we don't have to worry about polluting our own anymore. That's the human way!

Picture for a House, Anyone?

2006-12-04T10:22:00.000-03:30

If there's one thing Earl Langdon would teach you, it's to always always always bring a camera with you. He recently received a house, yes a real house, from the five members of the rock band Aerosmith, simply for sending them a few pictures he took of them a long time ago.

Let me set the stage...

It's 1964, and Steven Tyler is the 18 year old drummer (yeah, it's weird, I know!) for his band called Chain Reaction. They're recording an album of mainly covers of The Beetles, The Stones, Animals, and Yarbirds. Nearby in New Hampshire, Joe Perry and Tom Hamilton are in a band called The Jam Band. Then, one fateful night in 1971 when both bands had a gig at "The Barn" in New Hampshire, The Jam Band was missing a few of their members. Brad Whitford offered to play guitar for them, and Tyler stepped up to sing. And bam... instant awesomeness. Aerosmith was born.

And Earl Langdon was there and got pictures of that first ever Aerosmith gig. Not thinking much of the value of his pictures, he sent copies of the pictures along with a letter, trying to prove his loyalty as a fan maybe score an autograph or something. Well he scored much more than an autograph. He received a letter back from Aerosmith's manager, saying that the guys never knew these pictures existed and, instead of buying the rights for the pictures, offered to buy a house for Mr. Langdon in exchange for the rights to the pictures. Earl wholeheartedly accepted, no doubt.

There hasn't been any kind of indication of what kind of house they'll be getting him, but you that when Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Brad Whitmore, Joey Kramer, and Tom Hamilton chip in to get you a pad, it's gonna be one hell of an incredible pad.

You might be thinking, so what? Guy happens to have a camera with him on the right night. But remember... this was 1971! No tiny fit-in-your-pocket digital cameras back then. This guy would've had to been carrying around a big ol' honkin' film camera with him all night. That in itself is incredible.

The Pope loves Turkey

2006-11-28T19:23:00.000-03:30

I love Turkey as much as the next guy. But the folks from Turkey aren't exactly thrilled to see Pope Benedict XVI in their country. He dropped by for a visit this week, after getting a lot of Turks a bit steamed after his comments a few months ago about Islam and Turkey joining the European Union. The pope's the first to admit that his words weren't the best idea. He wanted to drop in for a visit to smooth things over.

So how is it going so far?

In September of 2006, the pope quoted a Byzantine emperor who said that Muhammad's teachings were "evil and inhuman"... but then, only days later, he apologized.

The political leaders of Turkey came out to greet the pope today and seems that things are going well. Benedict even went to a temple in Turkey with some people.

Continental Cup 2006

2006-11-27T19:26:00.000-03:30

It was the fourth time the Continental Cup of Curling was handed out. And for the second time, it goes to Team Europe. North America had a great looking team (Olympic Gold Medalist Brad Gushue, the Bronze Medal winning American team, and the Brier Champions from Quebec). On the other side, the European Men teams seemed weak. Sure they had that Finnish team from the Olympics, but Pal Trulson from Norway has been struggling for the past year or so. But on the women's side of things... completely differently story. Annette Norbeg from Sweeden could've won the cup alone. Her team has been winning everything they've touched for the past year or so. And the North American women... well... I still feel Shannon Kleibrink was the wrong choice to send to the olympics. And Debbie McCormick (Canadian turned American) is decent at the best of times.

So yeah, Europe wins it again. It seems to be alternating. North America wins it the first year... the Europe, then N.A., and now Europe again. Hmm... it looks good for next year.

Final score: 229-171 for Europe.

Brad Gushue (grey) and Amy Nixon (red) of team North America during the mixed doubles game at the 2006 Continetnal Cup.

Cruise/Holmes Show off Baby

2006-09-07T17:25:00.000-02:30

Suri Cruise, the newest addition Tom Cruise's and Katie Holmes' family, is being dragged along with Cruise into the spotlight. Cruise and Holmes were interviewed in Vanity Fair and included a large photo shoot of the baby.

The magazine was flooded with letters from people who were angry at Tom and Katie (or "Kate", or Tom believes she should be called) for forcing their baby to be dragged into their crazy little world of glitz and glamour. People were also a little ticked with the magazine for actually allowing the photoshoot to be published.

Tom Cruise, who is a baby himself when it comes to people making fun of him, is trying to take legal action against one person who commented on the shoot by saying "Freaks should not be allowed to have children."

Maybe it was just a general statement...
Nobody said anything about Tom Cruise...

Crocodile Hunter Dies

2006-09-04T23:24:00.000-02:30

After making us laugh with his insanely natural and calm way with deadly animals, Steve Irwin (better known as the Crocodile Hunter) has died. He was killed September 4th, 2006 when he was pierced in the heart by a sting ray near the Great barrier reef off the shore of Australia. Irwin was filming his documentary film on ocean life.

In 1992, Irwin married Terri Raines from Eugene Oregon, in the United States. The pair had met a few months earlier when Terri had visited the zoo on a holiday. Together they had two children: a daughter, Bindi Sue Irwin (born 24 July 1998), and a son, Robert Clarence "Bob" Irwin (born 1 December 2003). Irwin was as enthusiastic about his family as he was about his work. He once described his daughter Bindi as "the reason he was put on the Earth". His wife Terri once said, "The only thing that could ever keep him away from the animals he loves are the people he loves even more."

Although this blog was originally created to spite these animal people (mostly Paul McCartney), Steve Irwin is really an exception. He wasn't trying to save animals that were bred and preserved for food; like seals, moose, cows, etc. He was protecting endangered animals and educating people at the same time. If all biologists were as entertaining as this guy, school would be so much cooler. Steve was a really great guy, and a did so much to benefit the environment and all that good stuff.

They will be setting up a memorial fund in Steve's honour, called "The Crikey Fund", which will support wildlife protection, education and conservation.

Pilot Locked Out

2006-09-03T12:47:00.000-02:30

A pilot on Air Canada Jazz stepped out of the cockpit for a couple minutes to take a leak. When he came back, he discovered that he had locked himself out of the cockpit. The crew had to take the door off its hinges to get him back inside. Apparently, there was a co-pilot flying the whole time... why he didn't open the door, I don't know. Either way... quite funny.

Tarzan on K-Rock

2006-08-23T16:27:00.000-02:30

If anyone was litening to K-Rock today during the Nooner, or yesterday during the morning show, you would've heard me. I was on their game, None of Your Business. I scored some sweet prizes.

Then, today during my lunch break, Chris and I called back to let Maggie (the host) know that I found some pearls that I promised her. While on the air, she asked for a Tarzan yell, which Chris pulled off brilliantly. Now THAT'S entertaining radio.

Thirty Three Blind Mice... Or Dead Mice

2006-05-28T13:14:00.000-02:30

Hey. Wow it's been a while. Sorry folks for not really updating lately. Started a new job this week, and it rocks. I'm working with the CFIA, extracting samples from food and them testing them to see if there are any toxins there. And yes, we test on mice.

To any animal rights weirdos who may be reading this, I don't care what you think. Do you know how long a mouse survives in the wild? Not long. Rarely no more than two weeks. That's why they breed so bloody fast. They'll be swooped up and eaten by a bird or a million other predators sometimes just days after they're born... and they die having served no purpose. But I give them a purpose. Without my job, their lives would have no meaning. They may have saved your life you know. When you sit down to dinner, you don't stress out before you chomp into your food. You don't constantly wonder whether or not you'll die from whatever it is you're about to eat. That's because people like me have tested it and made sure it's safe for you, by injecting it into mice. So, if you think testing on animals is wrong, bite me. Go out and hunt your own food, grow your own farm or whatever. Because whatever you're buying at the store, especially anything imported in, has been tested.

Personally, I think a few dead rodents that would've been eaten by predators or exterminated otherwise is a small price to pay in order to keep humans from dieing and saving what's left of the crippled Newfoundland fishery from costly lawsuits from exporting toxin products. So Paul McCartney, Heather Mills, Hilary Duff, and all you other hypocritical animal loving losers... I'm going to kill close to a hundred mice next week. And you know what? The Canadian government will pay me to do it. So ha!

Wii Genie Predicts Awesome Console

2006-05-22T11:53:00.000-02:30

With the release of Nintendo Wii just around the corner, many people have many questions. And a new website has been made to answer many, if not all, of those questions. Introducing, the Wii Genie. A group of guys have put together WiiGenie.com, a site which features the Wii genie which will answer any questions regarding the Wii console. If the genie doesn't know the answer, it'll give you an opportunity to provide your own answer, and hence the database of answers grows as more and more people use it.

So give it a shot. These guys have been very nice to Club Seals in providing a link from their popular site to this blog, so I figured the least I can do if give them a little publicity. It is a great site though, check it out.

Bonds Broke No Record

2006-05-21T13:48:00.000-02:30

Barry Bonds hit his 714th career homerun on Saturday, tieing him with Babe Ruth. No way Jose. Bonds is a cheater and in my books, and in the eyes of many people, Bonds has achieved nothing. His name should not enter the history books as anything other than a cheater.

People knew that Bonds could catch Ruth's 714 home runs this season, and many pitchers in the league agreed to walk Bonds each time he was up to bat. Some pitchers even decided to hit him with a pitch, but they were then ejected from the game. But each pitched received a standing ovation from the crowd each time they saw the ball bounce off Bonds' back or shoulder.

But Saturday, as Bonds' name was announced before the game, he was booed. Again he was booed when he went up to back. But the Athletics pitched, Brad Halsey, decided to be a big shot and try to strike out Bonds instead of walking him. Big mistake. Bonds connected and got his 6th of the season and 714th of his career, tieing him with Babe Ruth.

Although his stats may be impressive, nobody is impressed nor proud of Bonds, who has admitted that seven years ago he promised himself that he "decided to catch Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron, no matter how many chemicals, creams or syringes it took". In my eyes, Bonds is not an athlete and I don't even feel he deserves as much attention as I'm giving him. To me, Babe Ruth's record stands.

Oilers Into Conference Finals

2006-05-18T00:23:00.000-02:30

The Edmonton Oilers put the finishing touches on their series with the San Jose Sharks and earn their first spot in the conference finals in over a decade. Michael Pecca scored a goal in the first period, and over 50 minutes of play later, it turned out to be the game winner. Edmonton put in another one in the third period, but Dwayne Rollison turned aside every shot to get his first ever playoff shutout.

So now all of Canada's hopes are on the 8th place seed in the west. It won't be easy. They're up against the Might Ducks, who have often been underestimated, but have been having an incredible playoff run. The Ducks set up a huge upset by knocking out the Calgary Flames in the first round, and then swept the Colorado Avalanche in the second round. Now they'll have to deal with another Alberta team.

Paul Has Enough

2006-05-17T20:25:00.000-02:30

After seeing Paul McCartney and his dog, um, wife on Larry King a few months ago, everyone wondered how he does it. How does this guy put up with a woman that loud and obnoxious? Well, seems like he can't. Paul and Heather are calling it quits and getting separated after their four year marriage.

Normally it's not a big shock when celebrities break up, but Paul actually made an effort with his first wife, Linda, who died in 1998. Then he met Heather at a charity event in 1999, and they got engadged shortly after. But from the dogmatic, ignorant personality that Heather displayed on Larry King, it's a wonder that they even lasted as long as they did. If I were married to her, I'd be asking those "barbaric" seal hunters to put a bullet in my head.

Heather loves herself, and doesn't want to take credit for the breakup. She's blaming it on all the attention from the media putting a strain on their relationship. She also took credit for ending the seal hunt, which in reality simply closed at the end of the seal hunting season as it does every year. So Heather, no you did not end the seal hunt. But you can have full credit for the breakup of your marriage if you want. Enjoy.

Klondyke Concert Lineup

2006-05-16T18:16:00.000-02:30

After last year's Klondyke concert managed to have The Guess Who as their headliner, it was very unlikely that they would be able to out-do themselves this year. Well, today they've announced their lineup, and although it's very very good, it's certainly no Guess Who.

There's a bit of Newfoundland talent in the form of Jimmy Rankin, then there's some Harlequin, Haywire and Kenny Shields & Streetheart. They also managed to grab a hold of of one of the stars at the Salmon Fest last summer, David Wilcox. But the cherry on top of this sweet sweet sundae, is none other than Tom Cochran.

Like I said, an impressive lineup, but certainly nothing close to the outstanding groups they had last year... CCR, Chilliwack, THE GUESS WHO!! Some of the Canadian Idols for the kids. But hey I'm not complaining. I won't be able to go this year anyways, so if they had some deadly guys going like U2 or Aerosmith, I may have cried.

Sony Pushes Wii?

2006-05-15T12:39:00.000-02:30

Sony, the creators of the Playstation game consoles, are pushing Nintendo's new system; Nintendo Wii. Formerly known by its code name (Nintendo Revolution), the Wii is expected to completely revolutionize gaming. Sony executive Phil Harrison has recommended that everyone who buys a PS3 should also purchase the new Nintendo Wii. Harrison admits that Nintendo has really done an excellent job on the console and believes that any gamer should have the system. In addition to this though, Harrison is angry at Microsoft for criticizing Sony's pricing structure and therefore is pushing the Wii over the XBox 360.

Personally, I think it takes a lot of guts to promote your competitors. When Nintendo gave up on the Game Cube shortly after its release, it fell onto the backburner of most gamers minds. Sony, on the other hand, went all out in promoting and improving their PS2 and making sure that quality games were being released regularly for it, something Nintendo seriously needs to focus on. Although Nintendo is optimistic about the Wii, and it may even be the better system, it would still be a surprise if the Wii had higher sales than the PS3, simply because Sony has proved that it is serious about making a lot of games, a good quality games, whereas Nintendo severely fell behind last round.

Either way, I am pumped for Wii. Just those controllers make it worth buying.

Sens Are Out

2006-05-13T23:41:00.000-02:30

At the beginning of the season, the Ottawa Senators were the favorites to win the Stanley Cup. The easily sliced through the defending Stanley Cup champs, Tampa Bay Lightning, in the first round in just five games. But now, in just the second round of the playoffs, they were stopped dead in their tracks, losing three straight games to the Buffalo Sabers. They managed to pull out a win in game four to avoid the sweep, but then Buffalo ended Ottawa's season with a shorthanded overtime goal.

Daniel Alfredsson, the captain of the Senators, really did not do squat in this series. Just kind of floating around on the ice, softly passing around the puck if it happened to land on his stick. It was a fitting end to their season that it was Alfredsson who was unsuccessfully guarding the overtime goal scorer. The captain really let down Ottawa, and all of Canada in a way, since Ottawa was thought be to Canada's best shot at reclaiming our cup. Now we'll have to hope that the Edmonton Oilers can continue their great effort. But really, nobody's going to get their hopes up on the 8th placed seed going all the way. So it looks like Canada will have to wait another year to get back the Stanley Cup. Oh well.

Russian Chopper Crashes

2006-05-11T14:26:00.000-02:30

Earlier today, a Russian helicopter was performing joint rescue exercises with Japan when things got a little out of hand. When running a drill to simulate an emergency response to an oil spill and aid to stricken ships, one of the Mi-14's rotor blades touched the water, setting off a chain reaction which tore the aircraft to pieces.

There were 13 people on board, all of which got out of the crash alive. Three of them had serious injuries and were taken to hospital, but the pilot died on the way. The other two are expected to make full recoveries.

Because this was a training exercise, the entire thing was caught on tape, and the video of the accident is below.

Karl Wells Blows CBC's Cover

2006-05-09T19:02:00.000-02:30

Tonight on the CBC evening news, weatherman Karl Wells accidentally let one of the stations secrets slip, and is now in sever hot water. While having their daily "couch time" at the end of the news cast, Jonathan Crowe (anchor) mentioned how there were no NHL playoff games tonight. Karl Wells the piped up, reminding his co-hosts Debbie Cooper and Jonathan Crowe, that Wells had won $60 off his fellow CBC employees during the previous round of the playoffs. It took him a moment to realize what he had done, but his two blank faced friends picked up on it instantly and desperately tried to change the topic. Maybe, just maybe, people hadn't picked up on the slip, but then Karl had to explain it and said to the other two, "oh no, did I just admit on provincial television that I participate in illegal gambling?" The other two chuckled nervously and Cooper attempted to say that only play money was used.

Either way, the cover was blown, and now Karl Wells could face severe diciplinairy action. The last thing the CBC needs is a scandal. For Karl Wells to ignite and pour fuel on a rumor that there is an internal gambling ring, news is beginning to leak out that the punishment may even be as sever as removing Wells from the daily news cast.

Bush Has Great Pronunciation

2006-05-08T20:07:00.000-02:30

George Bush has taken a lot of heat for stupid thing he has said during speeches. But his fumble on attempting to say "the United States offers an apology" was just hilarious. The president pronounced "apology" as "apple-oggy". After a momentary pause, sensing that something wasn't right, he corrected himself. There were a few chuckles from the crowd.

I found it funny, but in all fairness, Canadians really can't say too much. After all, one of the longest serving Prime Ministers, Jean Cretien, could barely string together three correctly pronounced words. Moral of the story is that you don't have to be a good speaker to be a world leader. Don't even need to be smart.

More Fish In The Sea

2006-05-05T12:35:00.000-02:30

Deep sea researchers have discovered twelve new species of ocean life in the deepest part of the ocean, near the Bermuda Triangle. We've all seen the crazy looking fish with the lanterns dangling from their heads that come from the deep sea, but before, researchers have only gone 1 000 meters below the ocean for research. But this time, they went deeper, way deeper. Four kilometers deeper actually. Among the new species they've found are a glowing pink octopus looking creature, an 11 meter long toothy fish which they're temporarily naming "the great swallower" (maybe related to Pam Anderson, ha... ha...), and (in the picture to the left) a transparent creature which may be related to squid and expels excess energy as light instead of as heat like mammals do.

The interesting thing about this discovery, is that the animals are large. Most of those crazy looking fish from 1 000 meters down were small, and all other life at that depth was microscopic organisms. So why are there bigger things, huge things actually, like that 11 meter long fish, living significantly deeper down where the pressure is significantly stronger. This is among the piles of questions that the researchers are going to try to answer before their research ends in 2010.

Cruise Changes Katie to Kate

2006-05-03T18:11:00.000-02:30

Tom Cruise seems to run a tight ship. He told his fiance, Katie Holmes, not to take painkillers during labor and not to scream at all while she gave birth. And now Cruise has "suggested" that Holmes change her name from "Katie" to "Kate". He says that "Katie" is a little girls name and that "now that she's breeding" (yes he actually said that) she should have a more adult sounding name.

I know I've been doing a lot of stories lately about Tom, or Tommy as I will call him now (ya know, since he's not "breeding"), and I apologize for that. It's just that this wacko keeps on making the news by controlling his fiance with all this ridiculous stuff. This is one celebrity couple that is defiantly doomed for divorce, if the wedding even happens. Kat(i)e says that she is ok with all the suggestions that Tommy gives her and says that he's only looking out for her. After his suggestion, she agreed and now wants to be known as Kate. In the words of Nelly (I can't believe I've even been in the situation to quote Nelly... *hangs head in shame*), "Hey, must be the money."

Smith's Gold Hunt Is On

2006-05-02T09:16:00.000-02:30

Gold digger and former playboy centerfold, Anna Nicole Smith was given the go ahead from the high court to fight for her right to collect half of her late husband's fortune.

Smith's dead husband was an Texan oil tycoon, who was valued at over 1.6 billion American dollars. Here's the fishy part. Why does a 26 year old topless dancer marry an 89 grandfather? Well it's easy to understand the man's motive, but what's she thinking? Money? Bingo. For over a billion dollars, even I may consider marrying an 89 year old for 14 months! That's how long the marriage lasted, when her husband died and Smith was ready to jump at inheriting the fortune.

But woah, slow down there bessy. Check the guy's will. Everything was left to his son. Smith was not mentioned as a beneficiary anywhere in the will, yet she insists that her husband verbally promised her at least half of the money. Hence, since his death in 1995 she has been battling in court to get half of the money from the son. She has a very weak case, and is only tieing up the Texas courts, but is very persistent and the courts are now allowing her to keep on trucking. My bet is, she gets nothing. An ex-stripper gold-digger's testimony vs. a physical documented will isn't the fairest fight.

Motor City gets Oiled.

2006-05-02T00:34:00.000-02:30

Canada gets its second team through to the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs as the Edmonton Oilers defeat the first place Detroit Redwings in game six.

Looked like the Oilers were going to throw it away after they slept right through the first two periods of the game, heading into the third period down 2-0. But local boy Fernando Pisani put in two quick goals for Edmonton at the start of the period, evening it all up. Detroit came back and scored one, but Edmonton tied it up again on the powerplay. Just when it started to look like overtime was going to be necessary, Ales Hemsky put one more in for the Oilers with just 1:03 left on the clock. It was too late then for the Red Wings to come back and Edmonton advances to the second round for the first time is 8 years.

They now join the Ottawa Senators, Colorado Avalanche, New Jersey Devils and San Jose Sharks in the next round.

No Koivu, No Chance

2006-05-01T11:30:00.000-02:30

The Montreal Canadiens lost their captain, Saku Koivu, in game three of their series against the Carolina Hurricanes. Koivu took a high stick to the face which severely injured his eye and he hasn't even practiced with the team since. Although Montreal was winning the game at the point where the injury took place, they soon crumbled and lost the game and the two following games. In fact, they've only managed to score three goals since the injury. That has mostly to do with Hurricanes goalie Cam Ward playing extremely well, but the Canadiens just can't seem to get many plays set up and just seem to be wandering around aimlessly without their leader there to show them what to do. They're now just one game away from elimination and head home to play in game six on Tuesday. Montreal has not won a game at home yet this post season. It'd be a good idea to start now.

Sticks And Stones May Break Their Bones

2006-04-30T11:05:00.000-02:30

Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards fell out of a palm tree while on vacation in Fiji. Why was the rock legend in a palm tree, you may ask. I have no idea, he wouldn't say. But for a 62 year old guy to climb a tree which has very few branches, that's pretty impressive. He was then taken to a hospital in New Zealand and they said he had a mild concussion. But that's not enough to slow down Keith Richards. He heads right back to Fiji and goes jet skiing... where he crashed and is taken back to the New Zealand hospital again!

I guess after the string of luck that the Stones have had during their career, Richards is acting as the band's scapegoat and is taking all the bad luck in one big lump. Mick Jager is loving it.

Snoop Dog Put in the Pound

2006-04-27T16:23:00.000-02:30

Famous rapper, Snoop Dog, was arrested in Britain last night for brawling in an airport. Snoop was there with a group of friends, or his posse if you like, when the fight started. Some of the people in his group held first class tickets and were allowed access to the first class lounge. Others in the group held economy class tickets and weren't permitted to enter the lounge, which angered Snoop Dog. A heated argument broke out, which eventually turned into a brawl that injured seven police officers. Over thirty people were involved in the fight.

Anyways, Snoop was thrown in jail overnight, and missed a flight to South Africa. But was let out without charge this afternoon and will now appear at the scheduled concerts in South Africa.

A police officer told the BBC, "The party was told that they would not be permitted to board their flight and officers then attempted to direct the group to baggage reclaim. A number of the group became abusive and pushed officers."

There's justice. A five year old kid can be arrested and charged for saying "bomb" in an airport, but a bunch of fancy rappers can beat up some police officers and be let go with nothing less than a stern talking to. "Now you be good ok? Please?" Give me a break. I still think that there is no stupider looking person on the planet than Calvin. Oops, I mean Snoop Dog. With a real name like that, I suppose even "Snoop" is an improvement. A slight one anyways.

Heather McCartney Hates Babies

2006-04-27T00:48:00.000-02:30

A new study shows that if a pregnant woman does not drink the recommended intake of milk during pregnancy, it can lead to small, underdeveloped babies. It was previously thought that drinking less milk, and consequently less fat and lactose, could actually be better for a baby, but this has been found to be false. Yes, excessive amounts of fat during pregnancy is bad for the baby, but milk isn't going to make too big of a difference. Just stay away from the McDonald's.

The researchers say that by drinking milk during pregnancy, it gives the baby the nutrients (mainly calcium and vitamin D) that it needs to mature properly. Denying it that could be very bad for the fetus and eventual infant.

So, what is the Food Standards Agency advising pregnant women to do? Not listen to Heather McCartney. That wasn't their exact words, but they said to drink plenty of milk and have lots of dairy products during pregnancy. So don't take McCartney's advice. It will kill your baby.

Beans, Beans are Good For Your Heart

2006-04-26T16:33:00.000-02:30

Beans, a food that is famous for giving people gas, may now have a chance to change it's reputation. Researchers in Venezuala claim to have found to way to make, as they call then, "fart-free beans".

Beans have a coating on them that is not digested in the stomach, and certain bacteria in the large intestine eat the remains of these coatings, producing a gas which is released from the body as flatulance. The researches say that by cooking the beans in a solution containing these bacteria would remove the coating before the beans are eaten, and as a result, eliminating all the farting.

It's great to see that the medical researchers are on top of things. Well that's a load off my mind. I can sleep easy now knowing that they've found a cure for farting. All right boys, next thing on the list... cancer? Nah, skip that one. AIDS? Maybe later. I got it! Let's get rid of sneezes! Who knows how many people will die from that this year!

Cooking Up Bad TV

2006-04-24T22:49:00.000-02:30

Reality TV had its time, but enough is enough. They stick some people on a beach and tape them. Not that entertaining. So to spice it up a bit, they eliminate the whole wilderness aspect (along with the hopes that one of them may be attacked by some wild animal) and stick them in a house. Again, not that entertaining. But week after week, people will waste their time watching them, just because it's trendy, and not doing what the cool kids do is a fate worse than death, right?

They've made up watch people take vacations, build houses, paint a wall, plan their wedding, go on blind dates, dance around, and get their hair cut. All the while, the viewers sit at home watching other people's lives instead of going out and doing something themselves.

But nothing, ever, comes close to the lamest new reality show. Think of something you could see every day. Something that your mother has done in your house each and every day since the day you came home from the hospital. Something that you would potentially die without. Cooking. Yes, cooking. But not just any kind of cooking. A washed up, forgotten celebrity cooking. So if you've ever wondered what somebody looks like when they cook, and you're too lazy to walk to the kitchen to watch, have no fear. The television people had the bright idea of recording it for your convenience! How clever.

The only difference between watching celebrities cook and watching your mother cook, is that you don't get to eat any of the celebrity's food. Just watch them cook it. How thrilling.

Yet people watch this crap, so they will continue to make this crap. Just take any random household chore, slap a celebrity into it, and make it into a compitition, and then BAM! Every trendy wanna-be "cool" kid will watch it. Mark my words: keep an eye out for the celebrity bubble bath challenge.

Habs Blow Away Hurricanes

2006-04-23T15:33:00.000-02:30

Ok, that was a lame headline. I apologize.

So the Montreal Canadians didn't get beaten as badly as I had expected. In fact, they dominated, scoring six unanswered goals on Carolina Hurricane's goal tender, Martin Gerber. The Canes came out and scored on the Canadians just seconds into the game. I sighed at this point, assuming that another one of Canada's NHL teams were doomed, but then they scored, and scored again and again and again and again and again. I'd like to see Montreal win the series, just because they're a Canadian team, but I really am not getting my hopes up. Carolina had an incredible series and between their Brind'Amour and their new star, Eric Staal, it's really no surprise that they were just a couple point away from being the number one team in the east.

Other winners last night were New Jersey over New York, Colorado over Dallas, and Buffalo over Philadelphia.

Clean Up Vancouver, Not Yourselves

2006-04-22T13:37:00.000-02:30

The mayor of Vancouver has come up with a great idea. Well, he thinks it's great anyways. He is putting $500 000 into a program to provide free drugs to addicts if they agree to help clean up down town Vancouver in preparations for the 2010 Olympic games. Yes, that's right. If you can't afford to feed your heroine addiction, just grab a broom and the city will pay for all the heroine you need.

Of course I'm not promoting heroine use or anything like that. I think the mayor is a moron for proposing such a thing. He calls in a "win-win" situation. I laughed. He, to my surprise, received much criticism for proposing this idea but defends himself by saying that these people will get their drugs regardless, but at least this way they won't have to mug people and break into stores for it.

I'll admit, he has a good point. But I still think if I knew my tax dollars were going towards supplying the town's dead beats with their marijuana and cocaine, I may consider moving to a new town.

John Ferguson Jr Fails Bigtime

2006-04-21T12:04:00.000-02:30

John Ferguson Jr, the General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs franchise, has let down the entire city of Toronto, and millions of fans nation wide. He traded some of the Leafs best players (Joe Nieuwendyk, Gary Roberts, Alexander Mogilny) for the washed up, concussion prone Eric Lindros. Yeah, Lindros is an incredible player, but only when he plays. This guy only manages to squeeze two or three games in a year before he's out injured. Ferguson tried to pin all their hopes on this one guy, one guy who isn't reliable. Nobody expected Lindros to stay healthy all season, and he didn't. He only played a handful of games. And the Leafs suffered as a result, missing the playoffs for the first time in nearly a decade.

But of course Ferguson pushed all the blame on head coach Pat Quinn. Quinn is one of the best coaches in the NHL and has coached Canada's world cup teams and Olympic teams, winning a gold medal in Salt Lake City. But Ferguson fired Pat Quinn as head coach of the Leafs in response to the poor season that the Leafs had. But when you look at the talent they had a couple seasons ago (Mats Sundin, Owen Nolan, Joe Nieuwendyk, Gay Roberts, Alexander Mogilny, Brian Leetch, Ron Francis) and how of that list, only Sundin remains, there's really no surprise at all that the Leafs had a disappointing season. But look at how the Leafs battled back towards the end of the season, winning all of their final 5 games. That was Pan Quinn. The players were tired and sick of their disappointing season, but Pat rallied them back to take one last stab at it. And this is how Ferguson repays him. The Leafs were really on a good path towards building a solid team that would have a chance at the cup back when Pat Quinn was the coach and the GM, but ever since Ferguson took over as GM, he has been dismantling the team and now it looks like it may be a long time until the Leafs are able to be a Stanley Cup contender.

The Queen is 80

2006-04-21T10:58:00.000-02:30

Queen Elizabeth turns 80 today. Apparently she has received over 17 000 birthday wishes via email, 20 000 via snail mail, and piles of people were waiting outside Winsor Castle to wish her happy birthday when she woke up. This hardly seems fair.

Everyone threw a huge deal when the Queen mother turned 101, but when you think about it, anybody could live that long if they sat around doing squat all. I'm sure the Queen is a very nice lady, but I work at least a hundred times harder than her, and I have nobody waiting outside my house to wish me happy birthday.

The Queen plans on going to a birthday dinner hosted by her son Charles later today, and then her suck-up son will broadcast a television special in honor of his mother. Wow, he really wants that crown.
This is 300 people in New Zealand who woke up early to make an "80" on the lawn of the Government House. I, personally, would prefer to sleep than to celebrate the birthday of some old lady that I don't even know and really has no real power over anything. But that's just me.

The Baby's Here

2006-04-19T13:32:00.000-02:30

Yesterday I reported on Tom Cruise and his soon-to-arrive baby. Well it arrived. A 7 lb 7 oz girl. Keeping with celebrity tradition, they gave it quite an original name... Suri. Cruise claims to have chosen it because in Hebrew it means "Princess", but I prefer the Japanese-to-English translation of the word: "pickpocket". Yes, if Tom Cruise's baby ever visits Japan, her name will be Pickpocket. Maybe she'll just hang around with a lot of Hebrew speaking people instead.

The couples spokesman hasn't said whether or not Katie Holmes was permitted by her fiance to use anesthetics or not, and also didn't comment on whether or not Cruise ate the placenta. Although Tom Cruise is a devote Scientologist, a group opposed to medicine, he says that it was not because of his religious beliefs that he didn't want Holmes to have any anesthetics. What a shame. At least that was half of an excuse... all he has left to blame it on now is that he's an asshole.

Tom Cruise Enjoys placenta

2006-04-18T13:40:00.000-02:30

Tom Cruise and his fiance, Katie Holmes, are expecting a baby shortly. A while back I reported on celebrities being weird parents and naming their kids after fruit and prophets... but Tom Cruise, by a landslide, wins the Oscar for most mental father of the year.

First, Cruise forbids his wife to scream while she's giving birth. He thinks it's wrong for the first thing his baby hears is screaming. Like it'll remember. Second, he forbids her to use any medications to help relieve some of the pain, saying that it's not natural. And now, to top it all off, Tom Cruise has promised to eat the umbilical cord and placenta. Yes, eat it.

He said in an interview, "I'm gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there."

Now, in some cultures, it was believed that if a mother ate the placenta it could prevent postnatal depression, although there is no medical evidence to back up that this is nothing more than superstition. However, there is no culture and no superstitions about any benefits to the father eating it.

Yup, Tom Cruise is a weird one.

Business Trip Officially Released

2006-04-18T09:53:00.000-02:30

My first ever novel is finally published and available to order. As you can tell from the picture on the left, it's called "Business Trip".

Basically it's about a guy, Clint Storm, who is just trying to get by. He hates his country and everything that goes with it, and is really shocked and torn in two directions when the emperor personally asks him to go on a secret mission to secure the empire's future. While he's away, a world-wide attack against his home country breaks out, and Clint gets caught up fighting against his own people. He learns a lot about himself, his family, and his past as he takes you on a fast paced journey that will forever change his world and keep you guessing right up until the end.

And just for all you artsy folk who love to analyze stuff and pick apart books, I've been told that there's a lot of hidden symbolism and all that good stuff in there too. So get your thinking caps on. Or if you just enjoy a good book, just read it through. That's the way it was originally intended anyways.

You can purchase your copy at http://www.lulu.com/content/219672 or if you live around St. John's just send me an email and I may be able to sell you a copy myself. There is a free, ten page, preview of the novel if you follow that link above. Enjoy. And watch out Dan Brown. Remember this face... or... whatever.

Benedict's First Easter

2006-04-16T08:59:00.000-02:30

Happy Easter everyone. A weird holiday really. Religiously, it's the most important holiday of the year, yet for some reason it is not even close to the magnitude of Christmas we see celebrated by people all over the world each year. I guess people just love presents. Either way, it's Easter.

Pope Benedict is celebrating his first Easter in office at the Vatican and will be delivering his first ever Easter blessing as Pope. He said he was excited leading up the occasion. I suppose he would. He really doesn't seem to get outside much besides standing on his balcony to wave to people once a day.

Thousands of pilgrims have made the journey to Rome to hear the Pope talk today. I never really understood why Catholics did that. I mean, the Pope's just a normal guy who happens to be in charge of something. I love computers, but I wouldn't travel all the way to Rome to hear Bill Gates deliver an Easter blessing. Now if it was someone important, like Jesus or something, then I could understand going there. Anyone who can taking a beating like he did and still manage to stick around for 2000 years is worth traveling halfway around the world to see. But not the Pope. Just look at that guy's picture. He's just plain creepy. Like Emperor Palpatine trying to do that lightning trick with his hands... without so much success.

No More Red Mile in Calgary

2006-04-15T14:35:00.000-02:30

With the NHL's regular season coming to a close, many teams are preparing for the playoffs. Among these, are the Calgary Flames, who proved that they are a serious contender back in 2003-2004, who came within one goal of winning the Stanley Cup. The fans in Calgary were loving it, partying in the middle of 17th Ave. each night that their team won. 17th Ave. quickly became known as Calgary's "Red Mile".

But, the Calgary police have announced that there will be none of that this year. Any celebrations from fans must be done indoors and at a reasonable volume, or so the cops say. Needless to say, the fans aren't too happy about it. Hockey is Canada's sport, so obviously Canadian fans are going to be excited when there team makes it as far as the Flames have.

The players on the Flames aren't too happy about it either. They loved it that the fans supported them so much and got so excited about their playoff run and are disappointed that it won't happen again this year. Well, actually it probably will happen again this year, but the police are threatening to place "rowdy" fans under arrest it they block off that street this year.

Oh my, haven't the cops got anything better to do? Are there no crimes being committed? No drug dealers out selling cocaine to kids? No convenience stores being robbed? Somebody must've given the Calgary police a bad batch of doughnuts. They seem awfully grumpy.

Google Makes Awesome Calendars

2006-04-14T13:41:00.000-02:30

Google, the company which seems to do everything right, has struck gold again. They started off with the best search engine the internet has ever seen... then they completely revolutionized web-based email with their Gmail feature. They put MSN messenger to shame with their incredibly sleet and fast instant messenger, GoogleTalk, and now... yet again, they have Bill Gates sweating bullets with their release of GoogleCalendar.

Yesterday, Thursday, Google released this calendar to everyone with a Gmail account. I checked it out, and it is incredible. None of this clicking on an "add event" button and then filling in the time, date, and all that information into a bunch of fields, and then having to re-enter it all if any of the info changes later on. With GoogleCalendar, you click right on your calendar and a little pop-up box appears where you type in your event. If you have your calendar set to a day view, you can even drag the size of the event to cover several hours. And if something has to be moved to another day for some reason, don't worry. Just drag and drop that event to the new day and time. If you want to print off your daily, weekly, or monthly calendar, just click the little printer icon, and GoogleCalendar will automatically convert your selected view to a PDF, ready to print. It's really too cool for me to explain here, so if you have a Gmail account, drop by http://calendar.google.com and check out your calendar. Enjoy.

Britney's Not A Bad Mother... Supposedly

2006-04-13T14:16:00.000-02:30

After a few public appearances with her new child being injured, Britney Spears was being blamed for the injuries and there was even a chance that she would face child endangerment charges. Of course, she denies it. She said the kid fell out of his high chair.

Spears' attorney said "They determined that the parents weren't involved in the injury and nothing was improper within the home."

Nothing wrong with that home? Have you seen her husband? Federline looks like he just crawled out of a bar fight after not showering for a few months. This guy is away "rapping" so often to feed his alcohol addiction that I don't even realize who he's married to yet. If you were married to Britney Spear, would you be away as often as he is? Nah-uh!

I won't go as far as to say he's beating his kid... but when you have somebody who's permanently hung over, and somebody else named Britney Spears trying to look after a kid, chances are that it was not properly put into the high chair and that's why it fell. Probably tried to stick him there with chewing gum or scotch tape. But hey, that's cool. She's Britney Spears.

Sundin's Six Saves Leafs for Now

2006-04-12T10:57:00.000-02:30

As I've been saying for a long time now, the Leafs are in big trouble and need a lot of help to make it into the post-season. Well, their captain, Matts Sundin, decided to show them how it's done.

Before last night, the Leafs needed to win all of their remaining five games, and hope that the Tampa Bay Lightning loses three of their last four. Their game last night was no easy task, facing the Florida Panthers who have more than their fair share of talent with Jay Bouwmeester, Gary Roberts, Joe Nieuwendyk, superstar Olli Jokinen, and All-Star MVP goalie Roberto Luongo. The Leafs struggled early, giving the Panthers a 2-0 lead, but then Matts Sundin went insane and score two goals to tie it up. But after the Panthers kept answering back with goals of their own, it seemed like the Leafs were going to run out of time. But no, Sundin steps up again, putting in another two goals, and assisting on another to put the game into overtime. And then who should assist on the game winning goal? Yes, the Leaf's captain.

This guy scored or assisted all six goals that the Leafs scored. It was his seventh career hat-trick. Now if only all the Leafs wanted to win as badly as Sundin, they wouldn't be in such of a mess right now.

But hey, they won last night, and the Lightning lost last night. If they can keep it going, they're on a good path. But, I still think it's too little too late.

Proof Shot Dead

2006-04-11T21:23:00.000-02:30

The rapper "Proof", a good friend of Eminem and band member in D-12, was shot at a night club after he got into a heated argument which escalated out of control. Ironically, the rapper was killed on Eight Mile Road, sharing its name with a movie by Eminem. "Proof"'s actual name was DeShaun Holton.

But wait. The irony doesn't end there. Most of his songs with D-12 were about gun violence and how he thought it was cool. He is most known for his song "Good Die Young" where he sings "Now my dreams are just dream cops and gun shots." It's pretty bad to be making fun of a dead guy, so I'll just end this now.

Bausch & Lomb Makes a Bad Batch

2006-04-11T11:34:00.000-02:30

A popular contact lens solution, Renu, has been linked to causing an eye infection in over 109 people in the U.S. in a fairly small time period. Eight of those people needed corneal transplants to stop them from going blind.

Bausch & Lomb, the company which makes Renu, stopped shipment of all their products when this was brought to their attention. Apparently it was just a problem with a batch of the solution made in one of their factories in the states, so any of you Canadians who use the stuff, don't worry.

The irony here is that eye doctors are always telling people with contacts that if they don't use solution regularly on their contacts, it could damage their vision... and now only the people who listened are going blind. Suckers.

Moses Born In New York

2006-04-10T15:47:00.000-02:30

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin must really hate their children. Their first born daughter, they named Apple. Yes, Apple. Like the fruit. They thought it would be cute. Paltrow says she doesn't know what the big fuss was about when the media jumped all over them when they heard what they named their child. Paltrow defended the decision a while back by saying that it sounded "lovely and clean." Yet she still pinned the blame on her husband, saying it was Martin who came up with the name, who says he chose it because apples are biblical due to the expression which originated from the Bible, "The apple of my eye".

But apparently "apple" wasn't quite biblical enough for them, so they stepped it up a notch. This past weekend, the celebrity couple had their second child, and gave it a name guaranteeing that this child also will be ridiculed by its classmates as soon as it starts school: Moses. Yes, Moses. Like the prophet. And again, surprise surprise, the media is all over the couple again, trying to figure out what is going on in their brains. Sigh... celebrities.

No More Magic for Menard

2006-04-09T23:24:00.000-02:30

Jean-Michel Menard from Quebec surprised everyone by winning the Brier final over Glen Howard of Ontario. Winning that gave him the right the represent Canada at the World Curling Championship. The team struggled early on, but pull off a 2nd place finish after the round robin. Then they defeated Scotland in the one-two playoff game, only to face them in a rematch in the finals. Similar to the way Menard lost the one-two game to Howard at the Brier, and then battled back to face him again in the finals. And just as Menard got his revenge when he played Howard again, Scotland managed to beat out Menard and win the championship.

For Scotland's David Murdoch, this is a great win. This same team crumbled at the hands of Randy Ferbey last year in the World Championship finals, losing 11-4. Then this year at the Olympics in Italy, they had a disappointing tournament, not even making it to the podium. So as much as I would love to see the Canadians win the worlds this year, I'm kinda glad that Murdoch got it. He's a good guy.

Dr. Team Gushue

2006-04-09T13:18:00.000-02:30

As if winning a gold medal at the 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino wasn't enough, now Brad Gushue and his team are going to get honorary degrees from Memorial University. At the university's Convocation this spring, more than 2000 students will receive their degrees. In that group are the six members of Newfoundland's Olympic curling teams; Brad Gushue, Mark Nichols, Russ Howard, Jamie Korab, Mike Adam, and Toby McDonald. The six guys from the gold medal team will all receive honorary doctor of laws degrees at the May 26 session of convocation. Joining them will be leaders from academia, business and the arts.

This isn't the first time that members of this team have received degrees from the university. Brad Gushue has a BBA from MUN, and Mark Nichols also attended MUN and received a kinesiology degree. Mike Adam recently graduated from the College of the North Atlantic and Jamie Korab graduated from Academy Canada in 2001.

To all those people who make fun of curling: HA! I don't see Joe Sakic or Steve Nash getting degrees for doing well at the Olympics... oh wait, they didn't do well at the Olympics. Well yes, Steve Nash did very well considering the team mates he had to work with, but still.

Leafs Hanging On

2006-04-09T13:02:00.000-02:30

The Toronto Maple Leafs have been clinging to dear life for a long time now, but they just ain't giving up. Although it may be too little too late, they're still winning enough games to make people wonder. After losing two straight games in a shoot out, they were determined to win on Saturday night against the Philadelphia Flyers, preferably in regulation time. A task which they got to work on right away, scoring twice in the opening period. They added a few more, and the Flyers made some weak attempts at a late game comeback, but the Leafs ended up taking it 5-2.

The Leafs are still seven points back of a playoff spot, and with only five games remaining in the regular season, they'll need to win pretty much all of them, and hope that Montreal and/or Tampa Bay have a serious dry spell.

Menard in Finals

2006-04-08T21:11:00.000-02:30

Jean-Michel Menard, who captured the Brier title back in March, is going to face Scotland's David Murdoch in the gold medal game at the Men's World Curling Championship in Lowell, Massachusetts.
After getting off to a slow start, Menard got his game back on track early enough in the tournament to finish in second place with a 8-3 record. They then faced David Murdoch in the one-two playoff game. After winning that game, Canada advanced to the finals, and Murdoch faced Norway in the semi-finals. Scotland won the game and now gets another shot at Menard and his Canadian team. The game will be broadcast on CBC Sunday afternoon.

Justice for Net Celebrity

2006-04-08T12:07:00.000-02:30

Everyone knows the Star Wars kids. A teenager from Trois Rivieres was taped in a mock light saber battle with himself in 2003. Fellow students then put the video online, and it spread like wildfire. The kid was a celebrity within weeks. He even got a guest appearance on the new cartoon show, American Dad. Although this guy was the most popular kid on the internet, he received brutal teasing ever since from friends and classmates. His family files a lawsuit against the families of the students who posted the video online, a lawsuit for over $350 000. Ghyslain Raza, the 17 year old "victim" has become the poster boy for lawyers' new favorite word, "cyber-bullying". The Raza family lawyer has said that the case will not be heard in court and that the two parties have settled the patter. The kid obviously did not enjoy all the fame and attention he was receiving. Reporters and news stations were calling and emailing him for months, seeking an interview, to which Raza replied "I want my life back". Ah yes, the tough life of a celebrity. His video was viewed by over 76 million by October of 2004. Since then, enhanced versions of the video (special effects, background music, etc) have also been popping up all over the web. The Gaza family lawyer said in their lawsuit that they sought money for damage to the boy's self-confidence and he changed schools to escape the ridicule of his classmates. He went to a school that specializes in psychiatric help for troubled teens.

Despite how hurt this guy says he is, he has fans, and a website sells shirts saying "I love the Star Wars kid" and they even tried to petition to get him into a Star Wars film, which failed. The site also photoshopped the boy into a few really great looking pictures. Like this one, for example:

Dan Brown Not Sued

2006-04-08T00:02:00.000-02:30

Dan Brown, the author of best selling novel "The DaVinci Code" was being sued for copyright infringement by British novelist Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh. Brown won the case, and Baigent and Leigh were left with nothing but over a million dollars in legal fees. If I were Dan Brown, I'd be rolling around in all my money laughing at those two clowns.

Baigent and Leigh thought that Brown should be paying them royalties because of their book "The Holy Blood and The Holy Grail", another novel which deals with Jesus. Two novels that deal with the most known person in basically all of history, the guy who divided history into "before" and "after"... yeah I'm sure that Brown really copied off those guys. I mean, where in the world else could he have come up with the idea of Jesus? Note the sarcasm.

Dan Brown's publishing company, Random House, called the case a "joke" saying that it would be a sad day for literature when authors can't be inspired by other works and expand on ideas of past writers. Well, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing afterall. If that damn Rowling lady didn't mutilate The Lord of the Rings, then we wouldn't have those horrid Harry Potter books and movies.

They Got One!

2006-04-07T17:26:00.000-02:30

The Liberal Leadership was looking like it was first come, first serve as far as finding a leader goes. But they still couldn't find anybody. Rick Mercer came up with the bright idea of trying to sell the leadership over eBay, which kind of backfired when the price rose to over $15 million, and since eBay charges the seller a percentage of the selling price, Rick was out a fair bit of money. I'm not sure if the winning bidder actually paid up or not though. But Rick is still a cool guy... (I have to be nice to him because I know he occasionally reads this blog).

But today, the Liberals got another serious candidate, Stephan Dion, current foreign affairs critic and ten year veteran of the house of commons. He joins Toronto lawyer Martha Hall Findlay and former cities minister John Godfrey as candidates for the leadership. Looks like we finally got a race on our hands.

But just look at that picture! Man, can you imagine the debates where we gotta stare at the blank, expressionless face of Stephen Harper, and now this new Dion guy. No wonder people find politics are so boring. Too bad we don't have good ol' Jean anymore, with his crazy accent and screwed up face. Now that made politics entertaining.

9/11 Movie Confuffle

2006-04-06T14:16:00.000-02:30

Universal Studios has been spending a lot of time and effort making a movie depicting the events that unfolded on Flight 93 which crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. The studio anticipated that the movie raise a few eye brows and were very careful to make sure that nothing in it was offensive to the victim's family. The stadium worked closely with the families and made sure to be sensitive to any concerns they had with the movie.

So far so good. It looked like the movie would be going ahead and be a great success. Until a bunch of New Yorkers stated to complain that they weren't completely alright with the movie. Now, I don't mean to be insensitive, but does it really involve them? Sure, New York was effected on 9/11, but hey, Canada was effected by WWII but I wasn't offended at all by all those war movies that take place over in Europe. The movie is not about the attacks on the World Trade Center, but about the plane which crashed in Pennsylvania. If the family's of the people on the plane are all right with the movie, what could the people in New York possibly be offended by?

Duff: Bad actor, bad singer, bad person

2006-04-06T10:24:00.000-02:30

Disney's newest teenage brain-washing machine, Hilary Duff, has hopped on the bandwagon in hopes of making headlines and increasing her fame. Duff started off on the Disney show, Lizzy McGuire, but then after they found out that pre-teens will buy ANYTHING that Disney sells with this girl on it, they decided to slap together a few poorly written songs and make a CD. Although she is very untalented and does neither thing well, little teenagers will do anything and buy anything if it's trendy. Which is why it's extremely dangerous and frightening that Hilary Duff is jumping on board with Pam Anderson and Paul McCartney in protest of the seal hunt.

Little junior high kids and the majority of high school kids don't are what's right or wrong. They only care about what their celebrity icons and (shudder) Oprah thinks is right and wrong. Paul McCartney and Pam Anderson aren't really the ones that these kids are really listening to these days, but Hilary Duff... yes, most definitely. It's unfortunate that this girl can hardly spell "seal" and she's already protesting the hunt which she most definitely knows nothing about... and the kids will follow. Hilary Duff has never even been to Newfoundland, yet she seems convinced that the seal hunt is "inhumane" and "barbaric", just like McCartney told her it was.

Duff was schedualed to play at Mile One Stadium in Newfoundland a few months back, but the show was suddenly cancelled due to bad weather. Duff has now said "I am glad that [the concert] ended up being cancelled. I just wouldn't feel right being around people like that."

"People like that"?! Since when does this little priss get to judge everyone in this province based on lies fed to her? As you may have noticed, I am not a Hilary Duff fan, but I didn't like her before all this, just because she's a bad actor and a bad singer. But now that she's had a little bit of time in the spotlight and all of sudden feels all high and mighty, any little respect I had for her is gone.

An internet petition site, www.peititionspot.com , is holding a petition to kick Hilary Duff out of Hollywood. The site calls her "evil" and a "lousy wanna be singer/actress" who is "dangerous to children". Although the petition will probably never actually get her banned from Hollywood, at the very least it will give her bad press and hopefully end her atrocious career.

POG Tournament!

2006-04-05T13:30:00.000-02:30

Ok, stop the presses! This is the biggest story of the year! Screw the seal hunt. Who cares about the Olympics? War where? Forget all this, POG is back!

Funrise Toys have revived one of the biggest fads of the late 90s, POG. A game where you stack a bunch of milk caps and throw a heavier milk cap at them.

St. John's, and all Loblaws/Dominion stores across Canada are taking part in the revived craze by holding a national POG championship. Oh yes, that's right. This Saturday, April 8th, a POG tournament will be held at various Dominion and Loblaws stores across the country. Funrise Toys has announced that they have 116 stores which have agreed to host the event on April 8th. Aside from Newport Beach in California, the only part of America which is getting in on the action is Dallas Texas, which will be holding 8 tournament throughout April and May, including one at the Dr. Pepper StarCenter, home of the Dallas Stars, which will be the largest official POG tournament in the history of the game.

It's sad that I'm this excited about something like this, but man... everyone loved POG as a kid. Although I certainly won't play in this tournament, I may certainly drop by to check it out.

Red Bull Energy Drink Sued

2006-04-05T07:49:00.000-02:30

Popular energy drink, Red Bull, is being sued by a man who claims he was mislead by the company's slogan. He apparently took the slogan, "Red Bull gives you wings" a little too seriously, and after chugging a can of the drink, he hurled himself out of his apartment window and was shocked at the fact that he did not fly, as the cartoons on the commercials did.

How dumb is the world getting when a cartoon man cannot sprout wings and fly around without a "Warning, do not try this at home" message flashing up on the screen. Where does misleading information from a company end, and just plain stupidity from the consumer start? I would say that in this case, the consumer was miles over that line. Every little kids knows that if you do what cartoons do, nothing good can happen. Imagine if little kids thought that they could run halfway across a canyon without falling in, like Wild. E. Coyote in the Roadrunner cartoons? It is absolutely ridiculous for people to actually expect a drink to make you grow wings and be able to fly. If I were the judge in this lawsuit case, I would award the guy no money, but give him sixty eight punches in the face for being stupid.

Despite the extreme probability of this guy actually winning his case, Red Bull has launched a new ad campaign which actually includes a warning, mostly as a joke, but also to stop any other morons from attempting this stunt.

19 Year Old Wins Lotto

2006-04-04T22:29:00.000-02:30

Atlantic Lottery started a new game a while back called "Set For Life", where you win $1000 every week for 25 years. A 19 year old named Jamie Brophy from Corner Brook was the big winner on March 27. Apparently the lotto give you the option of either taking the $1000 every week, or you can just get one just lump sum of $675 000 right away. Of course, like all teenagers would, she opted for the big money right away.

See, I don't think I'd wanna do that. I'd blow that 675 grand pretty quickly I think, or at least be tempted to, as most would. But that $1000 a week, you're forced to wait and spend it slowly. Just watch. This girl will go out and buy $675 000 on clothes and jewelry by next week. Or, if she's really dumb, she'll just get 675 000 more lottery tickets, hoping to get lucky again.

Nah, that's not fair. I'm sure she's a smart girl who will use her money responsibly. Afterall, she spent her money on a lottery ticket, right?

What?! Coldplay isn't Canadian?

2006-04-04T21:01:00.000-02:30

As if Pamela Answer hasn't been booed and made fun of enough over the past few days for her pathetic attempts at protesting the seal hunt, she has just reassured us of why the dumb blond stereo-type exsists. Prior to the Junos, she was asked if she would use her hosting privelage at the event to talk about the seal hunt. She replied with “I know I’m hosting the Junos, and I don’t want to say anything about this, but I didn’t realize that Chris Martin was Canadian."

Uh.. wait. Did she say that she didn't realize that Chris Martin (Coldplay front man) WAS Canadian? I didn't realize that either. I always thought that the brittish accent and bad teeth and distinctly european sounding music meant that he was from England. Hmm.. let's consult Wikipedia. Ah, yes. He is from england!

So, maybe talking isn't really your strength, Pam. Good thing you spent all that money upgrading your chest. Perhaps if you fax Stephen Harper some pictures of your boobs instead of that letter filled with false facts and just plain lies, then maybe he'll consider meeting with you.

CurlTV Covering Men's Worlds: Bad idea.

2006-04-03T21:31:00.000-02:30

The Worlds Mens Curling championships began last Saturday, April 1st, in Lowell, Massachusetts... but who knew? The event has not received a single second of air time. Not on any television channel, not in any country. Not even the heart of curling: Canada. Why? Because if you give the Americans anything good, they'll ruin it on you. The United States was slated to host the event this year, and they sold the entire round robin coverage exclusively to CurlTV, an online sports network. But the thing is, in order to watch the games on CurlTV, you have to have a paid subscription, which can be as much as $7 US per day. To make a long story short, nobody's watching the event, and all the publicity and excitement that the sport had built up from the Olympics has now been stopped dead in its tracks. Come next season, curling will again be forgotten by all the people who are just now starting to become interested.

But, for those of you who are interested in how the event is going and aren't crazy enough to shell out a pile of money to watch curling games on your computer, here's the results so far:

Scotland ( 3-1)
USA (3-1)
Norway (3-2)
Switzerland (3-2)
Australia (2-2)
Canada (2-2)

Canada's Jean-Michel Menard has gotten off to a slow start, but is still keeping within striking distance and still a serious threat to make the playoffs and win the whole thing. The top four teams will make the playoffs.

Juno's In Halifax Tonight

2006-04-02T22:11:00.000-02:30

The annual Juno awards ceremonies are being held tonight in Halifax, Nova Scotia. The greatest Canadian musicians and whatnot are all gathered tonight for a big show to see who's the best. Everyone's on their toes though to see if Pamela Anderson, who is the host for the evening, is going to use her air time to make some dumb comments about the seal hunt. I wrote an article earlier this week about how Pamela Anderson has jumped on the celebrity bandwagon and protested the hunt (Taitor!) But, since the event is in Nova Scotia, if she tries anything, she'll probably be booed off the stage so fast.

Although the results are in yet, I sure am pulling for our boy Rex Goudie to take home a couple of Junos. He's nominated for a few awards.

Anyways, speaking of celebrities and Pamela Anderson and the seal hunt... why are celebrities so full of themselves? Well, the "animal rights" ones anyways. They think their opinion is better than everyone else. Between Heather Mills McCartney saying that Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper should join in their fight to end the seal hunt because "his last name is Harper, and they're harp seals" and Pamela Anderson saying that he should "take celebrities seriously." Let's hope she doesn't ruin a perfectly good night of Canadian music and talent.

And go Great Big Sea!!

EDIT: Pam did end up making attempts at protesting the seal hunt during the junos, and was booed by the entire stadium. Ha! Take that!

About Time!

2006-04-01T23:18:00.000-03:30

After losing game, after game, after game, the Toronto Maple Leafs decided to give J.S. Aubin a shot between the pipes. And it has been working so far. The Leafs, although still clinging for dear life to their hopes of making the playoffs, have won three straight games. Their latest victory was against the Buffalo Sabres on Saturday night. Nik Andropov contributed two goals to the five goals scored by the Leafs in the first period. The game was pretty much over after the first six minutes of the game, where the Leafs scored four unanswered goals. In fact, those goals, followed by three more, went unanswered for the entire sixty minutes of play. They went on to blow away the Sabres with a final score of 7-0. This is just the third time this season that the Leafs managed to shut out their opponent.

Seems that the Leafs do well when they're not under pressure. Surprise surprise. How many times have we seen the Leafs crumble and give up during the first or second round of the playoffs? Now that it seems nearly impossible for them to make it to the post seaons, they're unstopable. Pat Quin is better off telling his team on the first day of the season "sorry everyone, but we can't make the playoffs this season." Then bam. You got yourself a perfect season. They'd be 82-0-0 by the end of it. But would probably will be out in the first round of the playoffs. Oh well, as they say in Toronto... there's always next year.

Buying Gold

2006-04-01T11:36:00.001-03:30

A few months before the Olympic games in Torino, Italy, the Canadian Olympic organizers promised that in the Vancouver games in 2010, Canada would be number one in the medal count. The program was named "Own The Podium" and is costing over $10 000 000. That's a lot of money to fund sports and coaching. But hey, they were close to achieving their goal of 25 medals this year, only off by one (thank you men's hockey), and in true Canadian fashion, had more fourth place finishes in the 2006 Olympics than any other country did. So, maybe that extra ten million will give them that last little shot to get them onto the podium.

The program is being funded by the Vancouver Olympic committee, the B.C. provincial government and the Canadian government. Although it's a huge amount of extra money to be pumping into sports, they have all but 10% of it already paid off, with four years to go.

But, if there's one thing we can learn from the Canadian men's hockey team, is that you can never buy gold.

Coverstory: The Brier Tankard

2006-04-01T00:01:00.000-03:30

This is a new thing I'm starting here with Club Seals. Each month, I'll do a special feature thing on something cool. This month... you guessed it! The Brier Tankard!

This month was the Brier, Canada's (and perhaps the worlds) most elite curlers battle it out to say they're better than everyone else. But the Tankard, that big trophy they hand out at the end of it all, is old and has quite a history behind it. So, in honor of The Brier, this month's coverstory is on the Brier Tankard.

The Tankard is actually as old as the Brire itself. The very first Brier was in 1927, under the title sponsership of Macdonald Tobacco Company. That was the very first time that shiney sterling silver cup was ever handed out. The silver cup itself was hand crafted in, where else, Great Britain. To make that cup today would cost over $17 000 US.

Each year, the names of the winners were engraved on a sterling silver heart which was mounted on the base of the trophy. Once there were 27 hearts, there was no more room for more, so a single silver plaque was mounted on the back, which housed the names of another 23 championship teams. After fifty year, and fifty Briers, Macdonald ended its sponsership and the Tankard was retired... or was it?

Fastfoward 21 years. Labbatt's brewing company had been the guys in charge ever since the Tankard was retired, but now, they finally call it quites, and their ugly, yellow, beer mug statue went with them. A new title sponser, Nokia, steps in, and brings back that classic old Tankard. This time it's bigger and badder. With an expanded base, and 71 silver hearts of each winning team since 1927... a resoration project which cost the CCA nearly $10 000. But man, it's worth it.

The revival of the Tankard was huge, and even after Nokia ended its sponsership, Tim Hortons (who is the current title sponser) is keeping the Tankard as curling's top prize.

When the Tankard returned to curling, it was greeted by one of the most dominant teams the world's ever seen. The first three years of its return, Randy Ferbey and his team from Alberta won the championship. After being defeated in the finals in 2004, ruining their streak, they rebounded in 2005 to hoist the trophy for the fourth time in five years. Although Randy Ferbey has a reputation for being, well, a jerk, he must've done something right to win that many times. By the expression on his face in that picture as he counts his fingers, it seems he may have lost count.

The first ever team to have their names inscribed on the trophy were the 1927 champions from Nova Scotia, Murray Macneill, Al MacInnes, Cliff Torey, and Jim Donahoe.

And of course, the newest team to have their names printed forever in curling history, is this year's Brier in Regina, the Cinderella team from Quebec, skipped by Jean-Michel Menard (MENARD!)

Got Milk? You better not!

2006-03-31T07:57:00.000-03:30

Heather Mills McCartney, possibly the dumbest human on the face of the earth, has come up with another great idea: stop drinking milk. I don't know what her reasoning behind it is (hopefully it's better than her anti-sealing argument) but chances are, 99% of people are going to strongly disagree with her. Milk is absolutely important to a healthy lifestyle. Ask anyone with osteoporosis if they wish they drank more milk as a kid. They will say yes. If Heather gets her way, all the kids who fall down at the playground will have their bones shatter like glass. Oh I think so. I wonder if she knows that those cute little fluffy white baby seals drink milk all the time. But does she ask them to stop? Nope, beacuse she thinks that animals are more important than humans. Besides, if we didn't take milk from the cows, we'd just kill 'em all and eat them as steak and/or hamburgers. Maybe she would rather that? See, the dairy famers are actually just trying to save the lives of those cows by giving them a reason to keep them alive. But, if she really wants us to kill them, that's fine with me. I like steak better than milk anyways. Except on my cereal.

Is That... Willie Nelson?

2006-03-30T19:19:00.000-03:30

K-Rock recently had a "Willie Nelson" look-alike contest, where the winner would get free tickets to the Willie Nelson concert coming up at Mile One Stadium.

Wow, I could hardly tell the difference between this guy are the real Willie. Yeah right. Unless Willie Nelson fell asleep in some of that Oil of Olay "look ten years younger" cream. He got the whole braids thing on the go, but his face looks nothing like him. But all things considered, this ain't a bad job. Maybe it's Willie Nelson from 600 years ago. This guy won the contest, by the way.

What a slow news day. The provincial budget was announced today... but nobody really cares.

Grab your Berets!

2006-03-29T19:05:00.000-03:30

Looks like Newfoundland is going to get a lot more artsy-fartsy and a lot more cultured. As if The Rooms and all this crap the CBC has on isn't enough culture for us already. Danny Williams announced yesterday that they government would be spending 17.5 MILLION dollars on art and culture. Yes, that's right. This, a province in debt, and we're going to spend money on painting easles, restoring broken water jugs from the 15th century, bongo drums, and people stalking around a dim lit room with a blanket over their head trying to be "symbolic". If culture was that important and valued by the community, then it wouldn't need all this government funding to survive. If people liked the culture and whatnot, they'd keep it going themselves. Like Dr. Ian Malcolm said in Jurassic Park, "they had their shot, but nature selected them for extinction." Why waste so much money trying to bring it back?

One Long Year

2006-03-28T19:48:00.000-03:30

It was one year ago today that 15 year old Matthew Churchill of Portugal Cove was killed in a hit and run accident.

He was walking with some friends along Bauline Line when he was hit by a car. He was taken to hospital, but there was nothing that could be done. He died shortly after.

But this great young man is certainly not forgotten. His parents have set up a website (www.matthewchurchill.ca) and memorial fund in his honor. The fund is for three scholarships that will be handed out each year. One is $100 award named The Matthew R. Churchill Grade 6 Award, shall be awarded to a Grade 6 student at Beachy Cove Elementary School. A $200 award named The Matthew R. Churchill Grade 9 Industry Award shall be awarded to a Grade 9 student at Leary’s Brook Junior High School. A $300 award named The Matthew R. Churchill Grade 12 Award shall be awarded to a Grade 12 student at Prince of Wales Collegiate Senior High School, and an additional fourth scholarship for post-secondary entrance. You can donate to this fund via the website given above.

But besides the fund and the website, there are many other tributes to Matthew. Tournaments were named in his honor, students wear wristbands of his favorite colours with his name printed on them, and his former band (Zero Tolerance) wrote songs about him and there are piles and piles of poetry and letters written of memories that people have had with him.

Traitor!

2006-03-28T18:31:00.000-03:30

Oh no, not anther one. Yes, the parade of celebrities looking to have their name printed in the papers by protesting the seal hunt grows bigger. A lot bigger. Two big boobs bigger.

Yes, Canada's own Pamala Anderson has jumped on the bang wagon and wrote Prime Minister Stephen Harper a letter with the opening lines "As a proud Canadian who frequently travels abroad, I am alarmed that people are starting to see us as a country more beholden to a pack of greedy hunters and the seal skin fashion whims of a few countries than attentive to the massive international outcry against such a barbaric activity."

Barbaric? Hang on now, I sure hope she doesn't think by quoting Heather Mills McCartney that people are going to think she's cool. The seal hunt is not barbaric. Heather Mills McCartney thinks it is because somebody told her that the hunters use clubs, which they do not. They use rifles, like any other hunter. Do people call moose hunters barbaric for shooting a moose with a rifle? No, because moose aren't cute, cuddly animals. But even that's a weak argument, because it's not the white, cute cuddly seals that are hunted anyways. They only go after the big, fat, grey, ugly ones. But the McCartney's will never admit to that. And sure it seems a lot more graphic than shooting a moose, because, well, blood doesn't show up all that well against the foilage of a forest. But red seal blood... on white snow and ice. That shows up well.

Ya know what's a lot more barbaric than shooting a seal? Catching a fish. Think about it... if you have a choice of how you'd be killed, would you rather be shot, quick and painless... or have a hook stabbed through your face and then left to suffocate? But again, the McCartneys and other celebrities will never boycot TSN for showing sport fishing, because fish are not cute and cuddly.

Nintendo Revolution: Works with Genesis

2006-03-27T15:08:00.000-03:30

Ok, so Nintendo screwed up a bit with Gamecube by targetting little kids instead of the people who actually grew up with Nintendo. But so far, they're been doing everything right with their new Nintendo Revolution. Cool looking design, absolutly retardedly original controlers, and compatible with games from Gamecube, N64, Super NES, and NES. But wait! That's not all. Yesterday, Nintendo announced that not only would they release emulators for games previously released on the systems I just mentioned, but they will also be releasing emulators for Sega Genesis and TurboGrafx games! With over a thousand vintage games compatable with this system, and a team of game designers who are promising to put out some incredible brand new games, it seems that Nintendo may be on its way to reviving its glory days. The Nintendo Revolution is planned to be released before the American Thanksgiving, but Nintendo president Satoru Iwata isn't fond of a simulaneous world-wide launch.

In a related note, the actual name for Nintendo's newest console may have leaked out at a slideshow presentation Nintendo was putting off in Japan. Nintendo has been referring to their newest project only by its code name, Revolution, for the past year or so. But the slide here was shown by accident during the presentation, and may suggest that the new Nintendo system will be called "Nintendo Go". "Go" is actually the Japanease word for "five"... since this would be Nintendo's fifth system (not counting the multitude of Gameboys).

Seal Hunt Protesters Get Ass Rammed

2006-03-26T22:23:00.000-03:30

Alright, some seal news! This doesn't directly involve Paul McCartney, but it's great nevertheless.

So the seal hunt began Saturday morning, and, as always, the protesters were just as ready as the seal hunters themselves. They were there with their taunts, insults, and video cameras. And the seal hunters finally took a stand. About time! The police sure does nothing to stop these protesters from bothering the hunters, so they have to take matters into their own hands. How would you like it if somebody came into your office or where ever you work, and starting yelling at your and heckling you all day? You'd get pretty pissed.

Now, the government does have laws in place against these protesters. They're allowed to watch, but have to stay at a distance of at least ten meters away. The protesters violated that space, but since there's no police to enforce the law, what can be done? Well, the seal hunters threw some seal intestines at them. Proper thing I say! However, the protesters were arrested on Sunday by fishery officials. They argued by saying that the seals rammed their boat; an argument that doesn't hold water. The fishermen own their boat and any repairs that have to be made to them comes right out of their profits. Again, to the office analogy, that's like when you have that person there heckling you, you get them to go away by smashing your computer over their head. Sure, they leave. But now you have to spend $1000 to get a new computer.

But perhaps they did ram them. After all, they're cruel barbaric savages... right Sir Paul?

Habs and Leafs Rematch

2006-03-26T00:31:00.000-03:30

Ok, I screwed up. I reported that on Wednesday, the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Montreal Canadians met for the final time this season (The Bad Guys Win) . This, in fact, was only theird second last meeting. Saturday, March 25th, is the actual last time. And, I'm sorry to say, that the Leafs got hammered again by Montreal.

Seems to me like the Leafs just don't want to make the playoffs. I mean, they're not a terrible team. They got guys who can score (Sundin, Kaberle, McCabe, and even Tucker on certain nights), and in net they have the legendary Ed Belfore, and Mikael Tellqvist, who both have had horrible seasons. Sure they got rid of some of their best players (Gary Roberts, Joe Nieuwendyk, and Alexander Mogilny), but it's still no excuse for the incredibly aweful season they've had. Usually they wait until the playoffs to give up. This year they've started early.

Oh well. As they say in Toronto, there's always next year.

Remember Jason Greely?

2006-03-24T23:12:00.000-03:30

Nobody has heard two words about this guy ever since Rex became Newfoundland's new favorite Canadian Idol. He had his time in the spotlight, and people got sick of him. Personally, I got sick of him after hearing him about three times on the show. So repetitive, so predictable. But he came back, and was a local hero for a while. Then he vanished.

Until tonight.

Jason popped up tonight on the CBC news. He claims that he didn't enjoy being the center of attention and hated not being able to walk out into public without anyone noticing him. He claimed to be so relieved to have the spotlight off him and just be an ordinary Joe again. Did I buy any of that crap he was saying? Not a word. If he was content with settling back into an ordinary life, then why is he back on the news reminding people that he exsists? I've only seen the guy once, at the Klondyke festival last summer, but he sounded so full of himself.

He was the opening act, and said to the crowd that he was "sure that everyone has been requesting [his] song on the radio stations." This attention craver has been at it for a while apparently. Even before his Idol apparence, according to people who knew him before, he was still big headed and always looking for people to love him.

No dice.

The Bad Guys Win

2006-03-24T07:53:00.000-03:30

Who says the good guys always win? Last night, Toronto played Montreal for the final time this season, and it was possibly Toronto's last stab at making the post season. The Leafs have been handing Montreal its ass over and over so far this season, but not so last night.

The Canadians smacked Toronto with a score of 5-1 which is most definatly the end of Toronto's playoff dreams for this year.

And, to top it all off, Leaf's goldtender, Ed Belfore, was placed on in the injured list, ending his season early... and perhaps ending his career, at least in Toronto.

Montreal is now just one point back from the Atlanta Thrashers for the 8th and final playoff spot in the eastern conference.

Rex The Sex

2006-03-23T12:57:00.000-03:30

Ah, Rex Goudie. Every ten year old girl's dream... or anyone who likes old school rock really. Though Rex came runner up on a show that really target pop craving junior high kids, most of his repertoire is classic rock, and even his original songs have a Guess Who/Rolling Stones/Blue Rodeo - ish sound to them.

Last night was his second show at Mile One stadium. Another sold out show, cept this time people had to endure Canadian Idol winner Melissa O'Neil for a bit too. She played some mixture of screaming, and baby sounding songs... and then, to the delight of the 6000 people in the stadium, Rex made his entrance to the stage... to the sound of, none other than, the Imperial March. After playing some of his own songs, and a few classics like "Turn The Page", by Bob Seger, and "No Suger Tonight", by The Guess Who, he left the stage... assuming the night was over. Then, in a panic, he rushed back, and exclaimed, "Woah, wait a minute b'ys, we forgot to sing the ode to Newfoundland. Can't be forgetting that. This is a hockey stadium, afterall."

So, although Melissa was painful to listen to at times, and Rex's little stories from living around the bay he threw in between songs were a bit hard to comprehend through his accent, it wasn't all that terrible. It's good to see that Rex didn't sell out to the pop industry and stuck with good ol' rock. I still don't understand why he's so sexy though...

Here's Melissa during her set. Looks like she just rolled out of bed. She really didn't match the rest of her band (or should I say, Rex's band, which she borrow for the night), who were all wearing suit and ties. They're hardcore.

I laughed a little when they came back for Rex's set, one changed into an AD-DC shirt, another into one with a skull and cross bones. Yarr... now they be hardcore.

Playoffs for the Fog Devils

2006-03-21T18:58:00.000-03:30

I remember watching the Fog Devils' debut game at Mile One Stadium. That overdramatic ceremony and pathetic introduction of "Scorch", the new mascot... with guys climbing down from the rafters on bungee cords and wielding power weapons with laser scopes. Apparently they wanted to shoot poor old Scorch because he escaped from his box. After I saw him, I was getting the same feeling actually. I was really pulling to see the Leaf's mascot, Buddy, return with the new team's logo on it, but no. We had this lame looking cartoon devil for a mascot.

But the mascot wasn't the only downer with the beginning of this new team. They also lost 8 of their first 9 games. After winning that first game at home, everyone thought, "hey maybe these guys will be good." But then everyone lost hope and lost interest when they lost the next 8 game after that. Then, after winning a second game, went on another 5 game losing skid.

But, despite it all, they managed to scrape their way into the playoffs, and are facing a team in the first round who they did decently well against all season long.

So, despite the bad team name, bad logo, bad mascot, atrocious record for the first couple months... this team ain't all that bad after all. They start to grow on you I guess... kinda like cancer.

Poking Holes = Bad

2006-03-20T18:54:00.000-03:30

A couple of weeks ago, people around St. John's were shocked when a girl went home from school feeling sick, and ended up passing away a few hours later. This mother of two children who went to Booth Memorial High School had recently gotten a body piercing which got infected, causing toxic shock which killed her.

Now, I may poke a lot of fun in my blogs, but no, I am not going to make fun of this girl. That's cruel. But I AM going to make fun of the health minister in this province, who gave some incredibly insightful information the other day: "poking holes in your skin can cause infection."

I'll wait for you to get over the shock of that... ok that's more than enough time. Yes, this brilliant health minister apparently thought it necessary to say that if you jab a piece of metal, no matter how sterile, through your skin, it can allow bacteria to get inside you. Wonderful advice. The other part of the health minister's speach was her advice to the school age children: "If you want to get a body piercing... don't do it!"

I laughed when I heard that. An old lady telling all these rebelleous school kids not to do something... if anything, I think she may have inspired some to go do it. Sure everyone wants to be a rebel these days. Isn't that MTV's theme now? If that lady really wanted to discourage kids form getting a body piercing, she should've showed them her stomach with a big ol' dirty navel ring in it. Old lady with a body piercing... I'm sure all the cool kids will want to be just like her.

MENARD!

2006-03-19T23:50:00.000-03:30

Eight days. Seventeen draws. Twelve teams. And a lot of TV watching for me. Ah yes, the Brier finals are here, and it's the third match up between Ontario's Glenn Howard and Quebec's Jean-Michel Menard in the tournament.

They first played in the round robin, where Ontario won. Then they met again in the One-Two page playoff game. Which Ontario also won. But hey, third time's a charm right?

Well, here's how the final match went down. Quebec got off to a great start, stealing a point in the first end and then shocking everyone by stealing a massive three points in the second. But Howard isn't the type to just give up after two ends. He battled back to take a deuce in the third and fith to head into the fifth end break, trailing by only a single point.

But tonight, it just wasn't enough. That 10-1 record in the round robin and two previous win against this Quebec team all means squat tonight as Glenn Howard's team crumbled at the hands of a very sharp Quebec team, losing 8-7. This is Quebec's first Brier win since 1977 when it was won by Jim Ursel.

So yes, I know I made a lot of jokes about those "Quebec fans", but who's laughing now! Both of the Quebec fans! We'll be seeing Jean-Michel Menard and Quebec team at the Worlds in Lowell, Massachusetts on April 1. Yes, Quebec at the world curling championship. That's no April fools joke.

Glenn Howard waves to the crowd after losing the Brier final, 8-7, to Jean-Michel Menard of Quebec.

;

Throwing it to the Pigs

2006-03-19T01:20:00.000-03:30

Ever feel crazy and out of your mind? Cheer up, and read on my friend. You are certainly not alone, and probably not all that crazy after all.

So, this guy, Jakub Fik, in Chicago was out during a rampage Wednesday morning, and when confronted by police officers, he (yes, you know what's coming) chopped off his own manhood, and threw it at the officers. As if this poor, poor, crazy man hadn't been through enough... the police tasered him! Think having your junk cut off is the worst pain a man can experience? Nope. Chopping off your junk and then getting tasered. I'm sure that's much worse.

So here's what happened. Basically, this guy was going around town bashing out car windows. Just for fun. Then when the cops are called, he breaks into somebody's house. The cops are waiting for him in front of the house when he comes out... naked....and bleeding... and carrying a bunch of knives. He then starts throwing the knives at the police, and once he runs out of knives, he heaves his dick at them.

I've seen some crazy stuff in my days. Hell, even I've been weird and perhaps came across as if I have something seriously wrong with my mind... but never, ever in all my life have I heard of somebody so severely screwed up as this weirdo.

I wonder how he'll explain this one in the prison shower...

Semi-Final Saturday

2006-03-18T17:35:00.000-03:30

The Brier's nearly over for another year.

A few days ago, I was pretty pissed that Kevin Martin was eliminated from the Brier. He was, by far, my favorite guy in there. I was hoping he'd win. But it wasn't to be. He was given the boot by Nova Scotia's Mark Dacey in the quarterfinals. And today, Dacey also met his match in the semis.

Last night, Quebec ran out of gas towards the end of their game to first place team Ontario's Glenn Howard in the "1 vs 2" page playoff game. So Quebec dropped down to play Dacey. The winner gets to take a stab at Ontario in the final match on Sunday.

Quebec roared out of the gates, going up 5-1 after the first three ends. It looked like they'd just steamroll thier way into the finals... but Dacey finally decided not to suck, and made a game of it.

Came down the last end, last rock. Quebec was up by two, Dacey needed to steal a pair in the tenth. No easy task. Obviously not easy enough for Dacey, because he blew it. He did, however, manage to steal one... but that wasn't enough. Quebec wins it, 7-6. They'll get another shot at Howard on Sunday.

See, I told you that all those Quebec fans had nothing to worry about.

One - Two, Buckle my Shoe

2006-03-18T00:45:00.000-03:30

The way the Brier works, is that in the playoffs, one plays two, and three plays four. The winner of the one - two game goes straight to the finals. Loser plays the winner of the three four game, and the winner of THAT goes to the finals too.

Complicated yes, but who cares! That's curling for ya!

So here we go, the one-two game is on the go tonight, featuring first place Ontario, skipped by Glenn Howard, little brother of Olympic gold medalist Russ Howard (played 2nd position for Brad Gushue). Ontario is battling it out with second place Quebec.

Quebec, historically, was never terrific at curling. Of course, they have the hilarious Guy Hemmings with his stylish hair, but they've never been thought of as a curling powerhouse. Personally, I was shocked to hear that Quebec finished 2nd after the round robin.

But Friday night, the held their own against the 10-1 record team Ontario. Ontario started off strong by holding Quebec to one with the hammer in the second end, and then picked up a deuce in the third. But starting with the fifth end, the two teams began trading two point ends. Just when Ontario looked like it was getting some momentum going, Quebec would come and score a deuce. Then Ontario would take it right back. And Quebec would take another two. With the momentum swinging back and forth like this, it seemed that whoever happened to have the hammer in the tenth would win the game.

But in the 9th end, Glenn Howard played a nice tap back on his own rock to score two points, and took a three point lead into the tenth end, which put the game just a little too far out of reach for Quebec. Final score, Ontario 10, Quebec 6.

But Quebec isn't out of the tournament yet. They'll face team Nova Scotia tomorrow for a chance to earn a rematch with Ontario in the Brier finals on Sunday. So don't be too sad, all you Quebec fans... ha! Quebec fans! Yeah right! I almost said it with a straight face.