CurlingScoops.com

Sorry for not updating Club Seals as often as I should. Something as awesome as this really deserves my daily attention, yet I've been neglecting it. Oh well, blame it on university.

But I'm happy to report that I've been working on another project... www.CurlingScoops.com

For those of you who follow curling should bookmark that site. Right now. Because it's awesome and will tell you everything you need/want to know about curling. Well, probably not everything... yet. It's only a baby, just a few days old. But stay tuned, it's going to be awesome. It's already got the past few days of the Scotties Tournament of Hearts all covered. And I plan on keeping it up to date when the Brier rolls around. So spread the world, curling fans, and get your scoop of curling news at CurlingScoops.com

Holy Moly... Four babies?!

So this chick from Calgary had quadruplets. My first reaction... "that's gotta suck."

But that's just me.

Though apparently the really rare part is that the quadruplets are identical, meaning they all split from a single egg. As if four babies isn't rare enough, having this happen is a one out of 13 million.

The hospital, obviously new this was coming, and made arrangements to make sure there was there was room for four babies in the neonatal facility. But, as luck would have it, the night before these quadruplets were born, two other premature babies were born and used up all the spots. So, just as the mother was going in to labor, they shipped her off to Montana to have the babies.

When the couple found out, months ago obviously, that they were having quadruplets, they nicknamed the babies "Baby A, Baby B, Baby C, and Baby D" until they could come up with actual names. The funny part is, they kept those names... sort of. They named the babies Autumn, Brooke, Calissa, and Dahlia.

Princess Goes to Jail

Some people give the justice system a hard time. Killers being set free... innocent people on death row... well there's finally some justice in the world. Mega Bitch Paris Hilton is going to prison.

As little miss snot-face got all teary and sad, the judge sentenced her to 45-days in jail for violating her probation for knowingly driving without a license.

It's about time that Hilton was given what she deserves—well, a small fraction of what she deserves, at least—and is thrown in jail. Reporters were saying that throughout the hearing, Paris wasn't taking it seriously and was seeking to be placed above the law.

You know what her defence was? "I didn't know I wasn't allowed to drive."
It's her own fault if she refuses to listen to people when they talk to her and tell her stuff. Just for that, she should be given even more time.

The judge said "In my opinion, there's not doubt that she knew that her license had been suspended. She doesn't look at her mail, her personal assistant never goes through it either. ... I think she just wanted to disregard everything that was said and continued to drive no matter what."

Paris' mom even yelled at the judge after the ruling, calling him "pathetic". You know what is pathetic? A 26 year who thinks they're a celebrity, rules don't apply to them, can't take care of them self, and the world revolves around them just because their dad has a successful hotel chain. That's quite pathetic.

When I first heard about this, me and my friends were joking around, saying that "oh, they must have finally outlawed stupidity." But if that were the case, she definitely would've gotten more than 45 days. She probably would've been given the chair. Or worse. They'd have to invent a new punishment just for her. Hey, here's an idea. They could crucify her and make it into a reality show. She likes being on TV, right?

Anagramarama!

You know what's fun? Anagrams. Here's some awesome ones I came up with.

First off, let's start with my name

"Brad Norman" = "Random Barn"

Next one... how about (in honour of Heather Mills), "you smell like socks". That can be rearranged to say "so... moles likely suck."

Speaking of Heather Mills, her name can be rearranged to spell "ill hamster, eh?"

And to finish off this random entry... "Club Seals is deadly" can spell "Icy dudes, less a ball."

You're So Gregarious!

Are you offended by that? Honestly... what was your first impression? It sounds like such a devious and menacing adjective, doesn't it? Sounds like something a news reporter would use to describe a murder or something... "It was a vicious and gregarious murder today at the dog park..." or "that gregarious monster ruthlessly beat his victim...."

Words are funny. Because gregarious actually has absolutely nothing to do with super villains (or even just normal villains). It's Dictionary.com's word-of-the-day today, and apparently it means "Seeking and enjoying the company of others". Cool eh?

So honestly, leave a comment and say what your first impression of this word. Would you have been offended if someone randomly called your gregarious (before you knew what it meant)?

Lovely Ass Lumps

At the request of my good friend Mike Sleep, I will be talking today about hemorrhoids.

So, first the basics. What is a hemorrhoid? Basically, they are varicosities or swelling of your butt's blood vessels. Hurts to sit on 'em, apparently.

What causes one to develop one of these suckers? Well, I'm glad you asked. You can be genetically predisposed to them, which really sucks. Bad genes could lead to weaker ass tissue, which makes it easier to get them. However, trying too hard when taking a dump can also cause one, even without bad genes. In fact, sometimes even having bad posture can make a person develop one.

If you have bad genes though, don't worry. Avoiding them is not too tricky. All you need to do is drink lots of water, keep your fiber intake high (which is a good idea anyways) and exercise a lot. Simple as that.

So thank you Mike, for encouraging this very informative entry... and for providing that very appropriate and professionally drawn image.

Sens Beat Pens

It was a quick series, only five games. But the Ottawa Senators beat down the Penguins pretty good, allowing only one goal in the last two games of the series. Not bad. Emery's really bringing it. I was personally going for the Pittsburgh, but I guess it's good that Ottawa won. They're the only Canadian team left in the eastern conference, so... yeah, might as well go for them.

But hey, the Penguins have an incredible team... just ridiculously inexperienced. There are no more than ten of their players who have ever been in the playoffs before. But come on... look at this team. Crosby, Malkin, Staal... that's a pretty bright future right there. Three of the best players in the NHL (except for Ovechkin) are all on this team. It's crazy.

But yeah, the Senators are one step closer to the Stanley cup... something they should've had last year, if it weren't for Dominik Hassek going to the Olympics and pulling his groin. Let's see if Emery can do any better...

Home Made Sperm

Ever want to make your own sperm? Well, most guys do this anyways... but ladies, any of you ever want to make your own sperm? Well a bunch of scientists are coming close to making human sperm out of bone marrow! So if you have bone marrow (which I hope you do), you can make your very own sperm!

It's not quite that simple... and it's not even all that necessary, but yeah... they're getting close to finding a way to do it.

Research led by Professor Karim Nayernia showed that if you extract "mesenchymal" stem cells from the bone marrow, stimulate it with a bit of vitamin A, these cells will actually develop into germ cells. Germ cells are the things that grow up to be sperm. They haven't found a way to make these cells go through meiosis (the process that makes them true blue sperm... well, not blue...) in a laboratory yet. However, one experiment that they did with mice (yeah yeah, poor mice... suck it Heather Mills) involved the same process of stimulating the bone marrow (from the mouse) with vitamin A, but then they implanted the germ cells into the testis of live mice. And voila. They grew into real live working sperm. They haven't tried this out of humans yet... for obviously reasons... very few guys will volunteer to have their nuts chopped open so some hairy old scientists can grow artificial sperm inside.

But either way, it's pretty interesting... and frightening. If this technology gets perfected, it would mean that men would become obsolete. More seriously though, it opens the doors to lesbian couples actually giving birth to a child that is biologically related to both of them by making sperm from the bone marrow of one women and then fertilizing the other woman with it. Neat-o.