Anagramarama!

You know what's fun? Anagrams. Here's some awesome ones I came up with.

First off, let's start with my name

"Brad Norman" = "Random Barn"

Next one... how about (in honour of Heather Mills), "you smell like socks". That can be rearranged to say "so... moles likely suck."

Speaking of Heather Mills, her name can be rearranged to spell "ill hamster, eh?"

And to finish off this random entry... "Club Seals is deadly" can spell "Icy dudes, less a ball."

You're So Gregarious!

Are you offended by that? Honestly... what was your first impression? It sounds like such a devious and menacing adjective, doesn't it? Sounds like something a news reporter would use to describe a murder or something... "It was a vicious and gregarious murder today at the dog park..." or "that gregarious monster ruthlessly beat his victim...."

Words are funny. Because gregarious actually has absolutely nothing to do with super villains (or even just normal villains). It's Dictionary.com's word-of-the-day today, and apparently it means "Seeking and enjoying the company of others". Cool eh?

So honestly, leave a comment and say what your first impression of this word. Would you have been offended if someone randomly called your gregarious (before you knew what it meant)?

Lovely Ass Lumps

At the request of my good friend Mike Sleep, I will be talking today about hemorrhoids.

So, first the basics. What is a hemorrhoid? Basically, they are varicosities or swelling of your butt's blood vessels. Hurts to sit on 'em, apparently.

What causes one to develop one of these suckers? Well, I'm glad you asked. You can be genetically predisposed to them, which really sucks. Bad genes could lead to weaker ass tissue, which makes it easier to get them. However, trying too hard when taking a dump can also cause one, even without bad genes. In fact, sometimes even having bad posture can make a person develop one.

If you have bad genes though, don't worry. Avoiding them is not too tricky. All you need to do is drink lots of water, keep your fiber intake high (which is a good idea anyways) and exercise a lot. Simple as that.

So thank you Mike, for encouraging this very informative entry... and for providing that very appropriate and professionally drawn image.

Sens Beat Pens

It was a quick series, only five games. But the Ottawa Senators beat down the Penguins pretty good, allowing only one goal in the last two games of the series. Not bad. Emery's really bringing it. I was personally going for the Pittsburgh, but I guess it's good that Ottawa won. They're the only Canadian team left in the eastern conference, so... yeah, might as well go for them.

But hey, the Penguins have an incredible team... just ridiculously inexperienced. There are no more than ten of their players who have ever been in the playoffs before. But come on... look at this team. Crosby, Malkin, Staal... that's a pretty bright future right there. Three of the best players in the NHL (except for Ovechkin) are all on this team. It's crazy.

But yeah, the Senators are one step closer to the Stanley cup... something they should've had last year, if it weren't for Dominik Hassek going to the Olympics and pulling his groin. Let's see if Emery can do any better...

Home Made Sperm

Ever want to make your own sperm? Well, most guys do this anyways... but ladies, any of you ever want to make your own sperm? Well a bunch of scientists are coming close to making human sperm out of bone marrow! So if you have bone marrow (which I hope you do), you can make your very own sperm!

It's not quite that simple... and it's not even all that necessary, but yeah... they're getting close to finding a way to do it.

Research led by Professor Karim Nayernia showed that if you extract "mesenchymal" stem cells from the bone marrow, stimulate it with a bit of vitamin A, these cells will actually develop into germ cells. Germ cells are the things that grow up to be sperm. They haven't found a way to make these cells go through meiosis (the process that makes them true blue sperm... well, not blue...) in a laboratory yet. However, one experiment that they did with mice (yeah yeah, poor mice... suck it Heather Mills) involved the same process of stimulating the bone marrow (from the mouse) with vitamin A, but then they implanted the germ cells into the testis of live mice. And voila. They grew into real live working sperm. They haven't tried this out of humans yet... for obviously reasons... very few guys will volunteer to have their nuts chopped open so some hairy old scientists can grow artificial sperm inside.

But either way, it's pretty interesting... and frightening. If this technology gets perfected, it would mean that men would become obsolete. More seriously though, it opens the doors to lesbian couples actually giving birth to a child that is biologically related to both of them by making sperm from the bone marrow of one women and then fertilizing the other woman with it. Neat-o.

A Burning Ring of Fire

Country singer Johnny Cash's house burned to the ground. Well, it's not his house anymore... but the house that he and June Carter once lived in. It's gone.

The house in Hendersonville, Tennessee was home to the legend from 1968 until his death in 2003.

The current owner of the house, Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees, was doing some renovations when a spark ignited some wood preservative. The Hendersonville fire chief is saying that the spark flew from the ridiculous amount of friction caused by Gibb's unnecessarily tight pants.

Ok, so I made up that part about the pants. But that's my theory.

In conclusion... don't sell anything to the Bee Gees that you don't want to be set on fire. Those guys are just far too irresponsible. Exhibit A: Those shirts...

Need I say more?

Toronto Maples Leafs Win the Stanley Cup!!

...well, close enough. In the absolutely most dramatic game imaginable last night—last game of the season, biggest rivalry in NHL history, the loser is eliminated from the playoffs—the Toronto Maples Leafs defeated the Montreal Canadians with a come-from-behind victory in the third period.

Now, based on the first period, the Leafs should've owned the Habs and won by at least thirty eight goals. They were out shooting Montreal by 20-2 after the first eight minutes of the game. By the end of the first, despite the landslide number of shots, the Leafs only led 2-1.

However, Newfoundland native Michael Ryder scored a hat trick within less than six minutes in the second period, giving Montreal a pretty big lead.

Anyways, Toronto scored a couple more times in the third to get a 6-5 win, and that's all she wrote. Leafs win. Montreal stinks, and will not make the playoffs. Despite the awesome win and the excitement following the game, the Leafs aren't home free yet. The New York Islanders are only one point behind them, and they play their last game of the season tonight against the New Jersey Devils. If New York wins, that moves them one point ahead of the leafs, and last night means squat... well, aside from the fact that they knocked their rivals out of the playoffs... so either way it's a pretty sweet deal.

In an ironic twist, the Leafs' Thomas Kaberle said after the game that he would be cheering for the Devils in the game against New York... even after all the things he said about the Devils being cheap and dirty after Cam Jannsen knocked Kaberle out with a cheap hit a few weeks ago.

Mats Sundin actually said that "We'll be praying that [Brodeur] is [playing]," after the Devils thought of resting their star goaltender. The Devils are already in the playoffs regardless of what happens, so to put in their superstar and risk injuring him right before the playoffs is a bit risky. But for the Leafs, having Brodeur between the pipes ensures their own trip to the playoffs.

Bryan McCade (Leafs defenceman) said ''I got to go to church Sunday. The biggest church day of the year is Easter Sunday. I know I'll be there with my wife and kid and I'll be praying.''

Guns Kill People?

Lawyers have been famous for being evil, and twisting just about anything to make criminals seem like heroes. But the lawyer of William Whary, the man charged with murdering 18-year-old Sara Easton in Edmonton, takes the cake. Here's the lawyer's case: when Wharry fired the gun at Easton, he did not intend to harm her. Now, I understand that there are people who have lived sheltered existences... but nobody living in the modernized world would ever think for a minute that being shot is going to tickle. Wharry's lawyer tried to convince the court that the gun was only fired at the group of friends to scare them.

So here's what went down. Wharry spotted Easton walking home from her birthday celebration (the fact that she was murdered on her birthday is kind of irrelevant, but all right). When Wharry saw the group of people, he stopped his car and fired three shots at them; one hitting a truck, one hitting a tree, and the third hitting Easton in the face.

Maybe—just maybe—the lawyer could make a good argument for the "scare tactic" if only one shot was fired. And maybe if there was a jury filled with mindless, gullible seal protesters, he could get them to believe two shots were to scare them. But nobody is going to believe that three shots is anything less than an attempt to kill (or to badly injure, at the very least).