Wii Wiish You a Merry Chriistmas.

All right, lame title, a lot of ii's. But hey, tis this season... And this Christmas, all the best boys and girls got a shiny new Nintendo Wii stuffed in their stocking. And what did the even luckier kids get? The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Oh yes. The greatest launch title ever and arguably the best game every on any system. And, for all of you who love Link and all his crazy adventures (admit it, you know you love it) here is a one hour documentary on the kickass guy with the green tunic. Right from his days of 2D NES to his latest trip to Hyrule with the Wii. Enjoy. What an awesome way to kick off my 100th post to Club Seals. It's bee good times.

Peter Boyle Dies

Peter Boyle played Frank on Everybody Loves Raymond was are arguably the funniest character on the show. Personally, I think he was by far the funniest. No questions. His catch phrase "holy crap" was timed perfectly.

Nothing was ever funnier than when Robert and Raymond were fighting over the paint when they were painting Ray's house, and they accidentally covered their mom (played by Doris Roberts) with paint. Frank (Peter Boyle) comes around the corner and casually says "that could use another coat."
Haha, brilliant. Such a funny guy and his death is such a loss for comedy. Here's something I bet you didn't know. John Lennon was Peter's best man at his wedding. Cool, no?

Let's list off some of Peter Boyle's best quotes:

"“Opera? Just what the world needs: more fat women screaming."

"I could have eaten a box of Alpha-Bits and crapped a better interview!"

"You don't know a monkey wrench from a monkey's ass. "

"'Luck' is the residue of good planning."

"What in the holy name of crap are you talking about?"

"Holy Crap!"

"You're even dumber than I tell people. "

[Frank walks in to everybody yelling] "Be quiet! Be quiet! " [Everybody quiets down] "I'm hungry."

"Maybe that's why I like animals. Woof. Moo. Quack. They tell it like it is."

"You're a trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?"

[Debra just got the book "To Kill a Mockingbird"] "I killed a bird once."

Suck it, Muckler

John Muckler, GM of the Ottawa Senators, is such a baby. He had his shot last year to win the Stanley Cup, but that's gone and over now. Having stuck-up big headed players like Jason Spezza and Danny Heatly just won't cut it. Last year, they were the favorites to win the cup. That is, until the Olympics rolled around and their goalie, Dominic Hassek, was injured and out for the rest of the season. From then on, it was all down hill for the Senators and they were eventually blown out in the playoffs.

This year, they're picking up right where they left off. Sucking. Even though Muckler still says to the media that he has a dynasty in the making, the Sens were pounded 6-2 by the very very terrible Columbus Blue Jackets. Without Hassek, the Senators are nothing. They were never anything before him, and they're proving that they're nothing after him. The Sens coach thought that Hassek was faking the injury and refused to let Hassek be on the team again this year. That's just fine with Hassek. He moved to Detroit and is now their star goalie, and making more money and even gets more days off so he'll be well rested and healthy for the playoffs.

So John Muckler, you are the worst GM in the NHL... no matter how much money you spend on big-shot kids.

Kickass Music, Kickass Hot Sauce

Is there nothing Joe Perry can't do?

A few days ago, I wrote about the pricey investment that Aerosmith made in some photos. Looks like Aerosmith's lead guitarist, Joe Perry, is investing in other things as well. Like hot sauce. Yes, that's right. It's called "Joe Perry's Rock Your World Hot Sauce". He even has two flavors: Boneyard Brew, and Mango Peach Tango.

I'm assuming it's similar to most other hot sauces... but the fact that it has a picture of Joe Perry rocking out on the label... it just makes it so worthwhile.

According to Joe Perry, "It's great for people who like 'livin on the edge'..." Well, you know he was going to throw in a song title somewhere to promote this. At least he didn't say "You should buy this... cause you 'don't want to miss a thing'." That would've been lame.

In conclusion, I need to re-write my letter to Santa.

Water On Mars

They've been trying to prove it for so long, and now, they think they have. Scientists are now saying that liquid water has been found on Mars, or at least, it has been there within the past five years. They draw this conclusion from a few squiggly lines they found and they say that it had to be made by water. Maybe. Or maybe it's the same as when kids try to find pictures in the clouds. Obviously there's no actual pictures in the clouds, but if you want to see something bad enough, you'll see it if you look at a bunch of random shapes. I'm not saying there isn't water there, just don't get your swim suits on yet.

But what if there was? That'd be cool wouldn't it? Watching the aliens with their pool parties, going around on their yachts, little kid aliens holding lemonade stands... or... we could invade, steal their water, so we don't have to worry about polluting our own anymore. That's the human way!

Picture for a House, Anyone?

If there's one thing Earl Langdon would teach you, it's to always always always bring a camera with you. He recently received a house, yes a real house, from the five members of the rock band Aerosmith, simply for sending them a few pictures he took of them a long time ago.

Let me set the stage...

It's 1964, and Steven Tyler is the 18 year old drummer (yeah, it's weird, I know!) for his band called Chain Reaction. They're recording an album of mainly covers of The Beetles, The Stones, Animals, and Yarbirds. Nearby in New Hampshire, Joe Perry and Tom Hamilton are in a band called The Jam Band. Then, one fateful night in 1971 when both bands had a gig at "The Barn" in New Hampshire, The Jam Band was missing a few of their members. Brad Whitford offered to play guitar for them, and Tyler stepped up to sing. And bam... instant awesomeness. Aerosmith was born.

And Earl Langdon was there and got pictures of that first ever Aerosmith gig. Not thinking much of the value of his pictures, he sent copies of the pictures along with a letter, trying to prove his loyalty as a fan maybe score an autograph or something. Well he scored much more than an autograph. He received a letter back from Aerosmith's manager, saying that the guys never knew these pictures existed and, instead of buying the rights for the pictures, offered to buy a house for Mr. Langdon in exchange for the rights to the pictures. Earl wholeheartedly accepted, no doubt.

There hasn't been any kind of indication of what kind of house they'll be getting him, but you that when Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Brad Whitmore, Joey Kramer, and Tom Hamilton chip in to get you a pad, it's gonna be one hell of an incredible pad.

You might be thinking, so what? Guy happens to have a camera with him on the right night. But remember... this was 1971! No tiny fit-in-your-pocket digital cameras back then. This guy would've had to been carrying around a big ol' honkin' film camera with him all night. That in itself is incredible.

The Pope loves Turkey

I love Turkey as much as the next guy. But the folks from Turkey aren't exactly thrilled to see Pope Benedict XVI in their country. He dropped by for a visit this week, after getting a lot of Turks a bit steamed after his comments a few months ago about Islam and Turkey joining the European Union. The pope's the first to admit that his words weren't the best idea. He wanted to drop in for a visit to smooth things over.

So how is it going so far?

In September of 2006, the pope quoted a Byzantine emperor who said that Muhammad's teachings were "evil and inhuman"... but then, only days later, he apologized.

The political leaders of Turkey came out to greet the pope today and seems that things are going well. Benedict even went to a temple in Turkey with some people.

Continental Cup 2006

It was the fourth time the Continental Cup of Curling was handed out. And for the second time, it goes to Team Europe. North America had a great looking team (Olympic Gold Medalist Brad Gushue, the Bronze Medal winning American team, and the Brier Champions from Quebec). On the other side, the European Men teams seemed weak. Sure they had that Finnish team from the Olympics, but Pal Trulson from Norway has been struggling for the past year or so. But on the women's side of things... completely differently story. Annette Norbeg from Sweeden could've won the cup alone. Her team has been winning everything they've touched for the past year or so. And the North American women... well... I still feel Shannon Kleibrink was the wrong choice to send to the olympics. And Debbie McCormick (Canadian turned American) is decent at the best of times.

So yeah, Europe wins it again. It seems to be alternating. North America wins it the first year... the Europe, then N.A., and now Europe again. Hmm... it looks good for next year.

Final score: 229-171 for Europe.

Brad Gushue (grey) and Amy Nixon (red) of team North America during the mixed doubles game at the 2006 Continetnal Cup.

Cruise/Holmes Show off Baby

Suri Cruise, the newest addition Tom Cruise's and Katie Holmes' family, is being dragged along with Cruise into the spotlight. Cruise and Holmes were interviewed in Vanity Fair and included a large photo shoot of the baby.

The magazine was flooded with letters from people who were angry at Tom and Katie (or "Kate", or Tom believes she should be called) for forcing their baby to be dragged into their crazy little world of glitz and glamour. People were also a little ticked with the magazine for actually allowing the photoshoot to be published.

Tom Cruise, who is a baby himself when it comes to people making fun of him, is trying to take legal action against one person who commented on the shoot by saying "Freaks should not be allowed to have children."

Maybe it was just a general statement...
Nobody said anything about Tom Cruise...

Crocodile Hunter Dies

After making us laugh with his insanely natural and calm way with deadly animals, Steve Irwin (better known as the Crocodile Hunter) has died. He was killed September 4th, 2006 when he was pierced in the heart by a sting ray near the Great barrier reef off the shore of Australia. Irwin was filming his documentary film on ocean life.

In 1992, Irwin married Terri Raines from Eugene Oregon, in the United States. The pair had met a few months earlier when Terri had visited the zoo on a holiday. Together they had two children: a daughter, Bindi Sue Irwin (born 24 July 1998), and a son, Robert Clarence "Bob" Irwin (born 1 December 2003). Irwin was as enthusiastic about his family as he was about his work. He once described his daughter Bindi as "the reason he was put on the Earth". His wife Terri once said, "The only thing that could ever keep him away from the animals he loves are the people he loves even more."

Although this blog was originally created to spite these animal people (mostly Paul McCartney), Steve Irwin is really an exception. He wasn't trying to save animals that were bred and preserved for food; like seals, moose, cows, etc. He was protecting endangered animals and educating people at the same time. If all biologists were as entertaining as this guy, school would be so much cooler. Steve was a really great guy, and a did so much to benefit the environment and all that good stuff.

They will be setting up a memorial fund in Steve's honour, called "The Crikey Fund", which will support wildlife protection, education and conservation.

Pilot Locked Out

A pilot on Air Canada Jazz stepped out of the cockpit for a couple minutes to take a leak. When he came back, he discovered that he had locked himself out of the cockpit. The crew had to take the door off its hinges to get him back inside. Apparently, there was a co-pilot flying the whole time... why he didn't open the door, I don't know. Either way... quite funny.

Tarzan on K-Rock

If anyone was litening to K-Rock today during the Nooner, or yesterday during the morning show, you would've heard me. I was on their game, None of Your Business. I scored some sweet prizes.

Then, today during my lunch break, Chris and I called back to let Maggie (the host) know that I found some pearls that I promised her. While on the air, she asked for a Tarzan yell, which Chris pulled off brilliantly. Now THAT'S entertaining radio.

Thirty Three Blind Mice... Or Dead Mice

Hey. Wow it's been a while. Sorry folks for not really updating lately. Started a new job this week, and it rocks. I'm working with the CFIA, extracting samples from food and them testing them to see if there are any toxins there. And yes, we test on mice.

To any animal rights weirdos who may be reading this, I don't care what you think. Do you know how long a mouse survives in the wild? Not long. Rarely no more than two weeks. That's why they breed so bloody fast. They'll be swooped up and eaten by a bird or a million other predators sometimes just days after they're born... and they die having served no purpose. But I give them a purpose. Without my job, their lives would have no meaning. They may have saved your life you know. When you sit down to dinner, you don't stress out before you chomp into your food. You don't constantly wonder whether or not you'll die from whatever it is you're about to eat. That's because people like me have tested it and made sure it's safe for you, by injecting it into mice. So, if you think testing on animals is wrong, bite me. Go out and hunt your own food, grow your own farm or whatever. Because whatever you're buying at the store, especially anything imported in, has been tested.

Personally, I think a few dead rodents that would've been eaten by predators or exterminated otherwise is a small price to pay in order to keep humans from dieing and saving what's left of the crippled Newfoundland fishery from costly lawsuits from exporting toxin products. So Paul McCartney, Heather Mills, Hilary Duff, and all you other hypocritical animal loving losers... I'm going to kill close to a hundred mice next week. And you know what? The Canadian government will pay me to do it. So ha!

Wii Genie Predicts Awesome Console

With the release of Nintendo Wii just around the corner, many people have many questions. And a new website has been made to answer many, if not all, of those questions. Introducing, the Wii Genie. A group of guys have put together WiiGenie.com, a site which features the Wii genie which will answer any questions regarding the Wii console. If the genie doesn't know the answer, it'll give you an opportunity to provide your own answer, and hence the database of answers grows as more and more people use it.

So give it a shot. These guys have been very nice to Club Seals in providing a link from their popular site to this blog, so I figured the least I can do if give them a little publicity. It is a great site though, check it out.

Bonds Broke No Record

Barry Bonds hit his 714th career homerun on Saturday, tieing him with Babe Ruth. No way Jose. Bonds is a cheater and in my books, and in the eyes of many people, Bonds has achieved nothing. His name should not enter the history books as anything other than a cheater.

People knew that Bonds could catch Ruth's 714 home runs this season, and many pitchers in the league agreed to walk Bonds each time he was up to bat. Some pitchers even decided to hit him with a pitch, but they were then ejected from the game. But each pitched received a standing ovation from the crowd each time they saw the ball bounce off Bonds' back or shoulder.

But Saturday, as Bonds' name was announced before the game, he was booed. Again he was booed when he went up to back. But the Athletics pitched, Brad Halsey, decided to be a big shot and try to strike out Bonds instead of walking him. Big mistake. Bonds connected and got his 6th of the season and 714th of his career, tieing him with Babe Ruth.

Although his stats may be impressive, nobody is impressed nor proud of Bonds, who has admitted that seven years ago he promised himself that he "decided to catch Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron, no matter how many chemicals, creams or syringes it took". In my eyes, Bonds is not an athlete and I don't even feel he deserves as much attention as I'm giving him. To me, Babe Ruth's record stands.

Oilers Into Conference Finals

The Edmonton Oilers put the finishing touches on their series with the San Jose Sharks and earn their first spot in the conference finals in over a decade. Michael Pecca scored a goal in the first period, and over 50 minutes of play later, it turned out to be the game winner. Edmonton put in another one in the third period, but Dwayne Rollison turned aside every shot to get his first ever playoff shutout.

So now all of Canada's hopes are on the 8th place seed in the west. It won't be easy. They're up against the Might Ducks, who have often been underestimated, but have been having an incredible playoff run. The Ducks set up a huge upset by knocking out the Calgary Flames in the first round, and then swept the Colorado Avalanche in the second round. Now they'll have to deal with another Alberta team.

Paul Has Enough

After seeing Paul McCartney and his dog, um, wife on Larry King a few months ago, everyone wondered how he does it. How does this guy put up with a woman that loud and obnoxious? Well, seems like he can't. Paul and Heather are calling it quits and getting separated after their four year marriage.

Normally it's not a big shock when celebrities break up, but Paul actually made an effort with his first wife, Linda, who died in 1998. Then he met Heather at a charity event in 1999, and they got engadged shortly after. But from the dogmatic, ignorant personality that Heather displayed on Larry King, it's a wonder that they even lasted as long as they did. If I were married to her, I'd be asking those "barbaric" seal hunters to put a bullet in my head.

Heather loves herself, and doesn't want to take credit for the breakup. She's blaming it on all the attention from the media putting a strain on their relationship. She also took credit for ending the seal hunt, which in reality simply closed at the end of the seal hunting season as it does every year. So Heather, no you did not end the seal hunt. But you can have full credit for the breakup of your marriage if you want. Enjoy.

Klondyke Concert Lineup

After last year's Klondyke concert managed to have The Guess Who as their headliner, it was very unlikely that they would be able to out-do themselves this year. Well, today they've announced their lineup, and although it's very very good, it's certainly no Guess Who.

There's a bit of Newfoundland talent in the form of Jimmy Rankin, then there's some Harlequin, Haywire and Kenny Shields & Streetheart. They also managed to grab a hold of of one of the stars at the Salmon Fest last summer, David Wilcox. But the cherry on top of this sweet sweet sundae, is none other than Tom Cochran.

Like I said, an impressive lineup, but certainly nothing close to the outstanding groups they had last year... CCR, Chilliwack, THE GUESS WHO!! Some of the Canadian Idols for the kids. But hey I'm not complaining. I won't be able to go this year anyways, so if they had some deadly guys going like U2 or Aerosmith, I may have cried.

Sony Pushes Wii?

Sony, the creators of the Playstation game consoles, are pushing Nintendo's new system; Nintendo Wii. Formerly known by its code name (Nintendo Revolution), the Wii is expected to completely revolutionize gaming. Sony executive Phil Harrison has recommended that everyone who buys a PS3 should also purchase the new Nintendo Wii. Harrison admits that Nintendo has really done an excellent job on the console and believes that any gamer should have the system. In addition to this though, Harrison is angry at Microsoft for criticizing Sony's pricing structure and therefore is pushing the Wii over the XBox 360.

Personally, I think it takes a lot of guts to promote your competitors. When Nintendo gave up on the Game Cube shortly after its release, it fell onto the backburner of most gamers minds. Sony, on the other hand, went all out in promoting and improving their PS2 and making sure that quality games were being released regularly for it, something Nintendo seriously needs to focus on. Although Nintendo is optimistic about the Wii, and it may even be the better system, it would still be a surprise if the Wii had higher sales than the PS3, simply because Sony has proved that it is serious about making a lot of games, a good quality games, whereas Nintendo severely fell behind last round.

Either way, I am pumped for Wii. Just those controllers make it worth buying.

Sens Are Out

At the beginning of the season, the Ottawa Senators were the favorites to win the Stanley Cup. The easily sliced through the defending Stanley Cup champs, Tampa Bay Lightning, in the first round in just five games. But now, in just the second round of the playoffs, they were stopped dead in their tracks, losing three straight games to the Buffalo Sabers. They managed to pull out a win in game four to avoid the sweep, but then Buffalo ended Ottawa's season with a shorthanded overtime goal.

Daniel Alfredsson, the captain of the Senators, really did not do squat in this series. Just kind of floating around on the ice, softly passing around the puck if it happened to land on his stick. It was a fitting end to their season that it was Alfredsson who was unsuccessfully guarding the overtime goal scorer. The captain really let down Ottawa, and all of Canada in a way, since Ottawa was thought be to Canada's best shot at reclaiming our cup. Now we'll have to hope that the Edmonton Oilers can continue their great effort. But really, nobody's going to get their hopes up on the 8th placed seed going all the way. So it looks like Canada will have to wait another year to get back the Stanley Cup. Oh well.

Russian Chopper Crashes

Earlier today, a Russian helicopter was performing joint rescue exercises with Japan when things got a little out of hand. When running a drill to simulate an emergency response to an oil spill and aid to stricken ships, one of the Mi-14's rotor blades touched the water, setting off a chain reaction which tore the aircraft to pieces.

There were 13 people on board, all of which got out of the crash alive. Three of them had serious injuries and were taken to hospital, but the pilot died on the way. The other two are expected to make full recoveries.

Because this was a training exercise, the entire thing was caught on tape, and the video of the accident is below.

Karl Wells Blows CBC's Cover

Tonight on the CBC evening news, weatherman Karl Wells accidentally let one of the stations secrets slip, and is now in sever hot water. While having their daily "couch time" at the end of the news cast, Jonathan Crowe (anchor) mentioned how there were no NHL playoff games tonight. Karl Wells the piped up, reminding his co-hosts Debbie Cooper and Jonathan Crowe, that Wells had won $60 off his fellow CBC employees during the previous round of the playoffs. It took him a moment to realize what he had done, but his two blank faced friends picked up on it instantly and desperately tried to change the topic. Maybe, just maybe, people hadn't picked up on the slip, but then Karl had to explain it and said to the other two, "oh no, did I just admit on provincial television that I participate in illegal gambling?" The other two chuckled nervously and Cooper attempted to say that only play money was used.

Either way, the cover was blown, and now Karl Wells could face severe diciplinairy action. The last thing the CBC needs is a scandal. For Karl Wells to ignite and pour fuel on a rumor that there is an internal gambling ring, news is beginning to leak out that the punishment may even be as sever as removing Wells from the daily news cast.

Bush Has Great Pronunciation

George Bush has taken a lot of heat for stupid thing he has said during speeches. But his fumble on attempting to say "the United States offers an apology" was just hilarious. The president pronounced "apology" as "apple-oggy". After a momentary pause, sensing that something wasn't right, he corrected himself. There were a few chuckles from the crowd.

I found it funny, but in all fairness, Canadians really can't say too much. After all, one of the longest serving Prime Ministers, Jean Cretien, could barely string together three correctly pronounced words. Moral of the story is that you don't have to be a good speaker to be a world leader. Don't even need to be smart.

More Fish In The Sea

Deep sea researchers have discovered twelve new species of ocean life in the deepest part of the ocean, near the Bermuda Triangle. We've all seen the crazy looking fish with the lanterns dangling from their heads that come from the deep sea, but before, researchers have only gone 1 000 meters below the ocean for research. But this time, they went deeper, way deeper. Four kilometers deeper actually. Among the new species they've found are a glowing pink octopus looking creature, an 11 meter long toothy fish which they're temporarily naming "the great swallower" (maybe related to Pam Anderson, ha... ha...), and (in the picture to the left) a transparent creature which may be related to squid and expels excess energy as light instead of as heat like mammals do.

The interesting thing about this discovery, is that the animals are large. Most of those crazy looking fish from 1 000 meters down were small, and all other life at that depth was microscopic organisms. So why are there bigger things, huge things actually, like that 11 meter long fish, living significantly deeper down where the pressure is significantly stronger. This is among the piles of questions that the researchers are going to try to answer before their research ends in 2010.

Cruise Changes Katie to Kate

Tom Cruise seems to run a tight ship. He told his fiance, Katie Holmes, not to take painkillers during labor and not to scream at all while she gave birth. And now Cruise has "suggested" that Holmes change her name from "Katie" to "Kate". He says that "Katie" is a little girls name and that "now that she's breeding" (yes he actually said that) she should have a more adult sounding name.

I know I've been doing a lot of stories lately about Tom, or Tommy as I will call him now (ya know, since he's not "breeding"), and I apologize for that. It's just that this wacko keeps on making the news by controlling his fiance with all this ridiculous stuff. This is one celebrity couple that is defiantly doomed for divorce, if the wedding even happens. Kat(i)e says that she is ok with all the suggestions that Tommy gives her and says that he's only looking out for her. After his suggestion, she agreed and now wants to be known as Kate. In the words of Nelly (I can't believe I've even been in the situation to quote Nelly... *hangs head in shame*), "Hey, must be the money."

Smith's Gold Hunt Is On

Gold digger and former playboy centerfold, Anna Nicole Smith was given the go ahead from the high court to fight for her right to collect half of her late husband's fortune.

Smith's dead husband was an Texan oil tycoon, who was valued at over 1.6 billion American dollars. Here's the fishy part. Why does a 26 year old topless dancer marry an 89 grandfather? Well it's easy to understand the man's motive, but what's she thinking? Money? Bingo. For over a billion dollars, even I may consider marrying an 89 year old for 14 months! That's how long the marriage lasted, when her husband died and Smith was ready to jump at inheriting the fortune.

But woah, slow down there bessy. Check the guy's will. Everything was left to his son. Smith was not mentioned as a beneficiary anywhere in the will, yet she insists that her husband verbally promised her at least half of the money. Hence, since his death in 1995 she has been battling in court to get half of the money from the son. She has a very weak case, and is only tieing up the Texas courts, but is very persistent and the courts are now allowing her to keep on trucking. My bet is, she gets nothing. An ex-stripper gold-digger's testimony vs. a physical documented will isn't the fairest fight.

Motor City gets Oiled.

Canada gets its second team through to the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs as the Edmonton Oilers defeat the first place Detroit Redwings in game six.

Looked like the Oilers were going to throw it away after they slept right through the first two periods of the game, heading into the third period down 2-0. But local boy Fernando Pisani put in two quick goals for Edmonton at the start of the period, evening it all up. Detroit came back and scored one, but Edmonton tied it up again on the powerplay. Just when it started to look like overtime was going to be necessary, Ales Hemsky put one more in for the Oilers with just 1:03 left on the clock. It was too late then for the Red Wings to come back and Edmonton advances to the second round for the first time is 8 years.

They now join the Ottawa Senators, Colorado Avalanche, New Jersey Devils and San Jose Sharks in the next round.

No Koivu, No Chance

The Montreal Canadiens lost their captain, Saku Koivu, in game three of their series against the Carolina Hurricanes. Koivu took a high stick to the face which severely injured his eye and he hasn't even practiced with the team since. Although Montreal was winning the game at the point where the injury took place, they soon crumbled and lost the game and the two following games. In fact, they've only managed to score three goals since the injury. That has mostly to do with Hurricanes goalie Cam Ward playing extremely well, but the Canadiens just can't seem to get many plays set up and just seem to be wandering around aimlessly without their leader there to show them what to do. They're now just one game away from elimination and head home to play in game six on Tuesday. Montreal has not won a game at home yet this post season. It'd be a good idea to start now.

Sticks And Stones May Break Their Bones

Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards fell out of a palm tree while on vacation in Fiji. Why was the rock legend in a palm tree, you may ask. I have no idea, he wouldn't say. But for a 62 year old guy to climb a tree which has very few branches, that's pretty impressive. He was then taken to a hospital in New Zealand and they said he had a mild concussion. But that's not enough to slow down Keith Richards. He heads right back to Fiji and goes jet skiing... where he crashed and is taken back to the New Zealand hospital again!

I guess after the string of luck that the Stones have had during their career, Richards is acting as the band's scapegoat and is taking all the bad luck in one big lump. Mick Jager is loving it.

Snoop Dog Put in the Pound

Famous rapper, Snoop Dog, was arrested in Britain last night for brawling in an airport. Snoop was there with a group of friends, or his posse if you like, when the fight started. Some of the people in his group held first class tickets and were allowed access to the first class lounge. Others in the group held economy class tickets and weren't permitted to enter the lounge, which angered Snoop Dog. A heated argument broke out, which eventually turned into a brawl that injured seven police officers. Over thirty people were involved in the fight.

Anyways, Snoop was thrown in jail overnight, and missed a flight to South Africa. But was let out without charge this afternoon and will now appear at the scheduled concerts in South Africa.

A police officer told the BBC, "The party was told that they would not be permitted to board their flight and officers then attempted to direct the group to baggage reclaim. A number of the group became abusive and pushed officers."

There's justice. A five year old kid can be arrested and charged for saying "bomb" in an airport, but a bunch of fancy rappers can beat up some police officers and be let go with nothing less than a stern talking to. "Now you be good ok? Please?" Give me a break. I still think that there is no stupider looking person on the planet than Calvin. Oops, I mean Snoop Dog. With a real name like that, I suppose even "Snoop" is an improvement. A slight one anyways.

Heather McCartney Hates Babies

A new study shows that if a pregnant woman does not drink the recommended intake of milk during pregnancy, it can lead to small, underdeveloped babies. It was previously thought that drinking less milk, and consequently less fat and lactose, could actually be better for a baby, but this has been found to be false. Yes, excessive amounts of fat during pregnancy is bad for the baby, but milk isn't going to make too big of a difference. Just stay away from the McDonald's.

The researchers say that by drinking milk during pregnancy, it gives the baby the nutrients (mainly calcium and vitamin D) that it needs to mature properly. Denying it that could be very bad for the fetus and eventual infant.

So, what is the Food Standards Agency advising pregnant women to do? Not listen to Heather McCartney. That wasn't their exact words, but they said to drink plenty of milk and have lots of dairy products during pregnancy. So don't take McCartney's advice. It will kill your baby.

Beans, Beans are Good For Your Heart

Beans, a food that is famous for giving people gas, may now have a chance to change it's reputation. Researchers in Venezuala claim to have found to way to make, as they call then, "fart-free beans".

Beans have a coating on them that is not digested in the stomach, and certain bacteria in the large intestine eat the remains of these coatings, producing a gas which is released from the body as flatulance. The researches say that by cooking the beans in a solution containing these bacteria would remove the coating before the beans are eaten, and as a result, eliminating all the farting.

It's great to see that the medical researchers are on top of things. Well that's a load off my mind. I can sleep easy now knowing that they've found a cure for farting. All right boys, next thing on the list... cancer? Nah, skip that one. AIDS? Maybe later. I got it! Let's get rid of sneezes! Who knows how many people will die from that this year!

Cooking Up Bad TV

Reality TV had its time, but enough is enough. They stick some people on a beach and tape them. Not that entertaining. So to spice it up a bit, they eliminate the whole wilderness aspect (along with the hopes that one of them may be attacked by some wild animal) and stick them in a house. Again, not that entertaining. But week after week, people will waste their time watching them, just because it's trendy, and not doing what the cool kids do is a fate worse than death, right?

They've made up watch people take vacations, build houses, paint a wall, plan their wedding, go on blind dates, dance around, and get their hair cut. All the while, the viewers sit at home watching other people's lives instead of going out and doing something themselves.

But nothing, ever, comes close to the lamest new reality show. Think of something you could see every day. Something that your mother has done in your house each and every day since the day you came home from the hospital. Something that you would potentially die without. Cooking. Yes, cooking. But not just any kind of cooking. A washed up, forgotten celebrity cooking. So if you've ever wondered what somebody looks like when they cook, and you're too lazy to walk to the kitchen to watch, have no fear. The television people had the bright idea of recording it for your convenience! How clever.

The only difference between watching celebrities cook and watching your mother cook, is that you don't get to eat any of the celebrity's food. Just watch them cook it. How thrilling.

Yet people watch this crap, so they will continue to make this crap. Just take any random household chore, slap a celebrity into it, and make it into a compitition, and then BAM! Every trendy wanna-be "cool" kid will watch it. Mark my words: keep an eye out for the celebrity bubble bath challenge.

Habs Blow Away Hurricanes

Ok, that was a lame headline. I apologize.

So the Montreal Canadians didn't get beaten as badly as I had expected. In fact, they dominated, scoring six unanswered goals on Carolina Hurricane's goal tender, Martin Gerber. The Canes came out and scored on the Canadians just seconds into the game. I sighed at this point, assuming that another one of Canada's NHL teams were doomed, but then they scored, and scored again and again and again and again and again. I'd like to see Montreal win the series, just because they're a Canadian team, but I really am not getting my hopes up. Carolina had an incredible series and between their Brind'Amour and their new star, Eric Staal, it's really no surprise that they were just a couple point away from being the number one team in the east.

Other winners last night were New Jersey over New York, Colorado over Dallas, and Buffalo over Philadelphia.

Clean Up Vancouver, Not Yourselves

The mayor of Vancouver has come up with a great idea. Well, he thinks it's great anyways. He is putting $500 000 into a program to provide free drugs to addicts if they agree to help clean up down town Vancouver in preparations for the 2010 Olympic games. Yes, that's right. If you can't afford to feed your heroine addiction, just grab a broom and the city will pay for all the heroine you need.

Of course I'm not promoting heroine use or anything like that. I think the mayor is a moron for proposing such a thing. He calls in a "win-win" situation. I laughed. He, to my surprise, received much criticism for proposing this idea but defends himself by saying that these people will get their drugs regardless, but at least this way they won't have to mug people and break into stores for it.

I'll admit, he has a good point. But I still think if I knew my tax dollars were going towards supplying the town's dead beats with their marijuana and cocaine, I may consider moving to a new town.

John Ferguson Jr Fails Bigtime

John Ferguson Jr, the General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs franchise, has let down the entire city of Toronto, and millions of fans nation wide. He traded some of the Leafs best players (Joe Nieuwendyk, Gary Roberts, Alexander Mogilny) for the washed up, concussion prone Eric Lindros. Yeah, Lindros is an incredible player, but only when he plays. This guy only manages to squeeze two or three games in a year before he's out injured. Ferguson tried to pin all their hopes on this one guy, one guy who isn't reliable. Nobody expected Lindros to stay healthy all season, and he didn't. He only played a handful of games. And the Leafs suffered as a result, missing the playoffs for the first time in nearly a decade.

But of course Ferguson pushed all the blame on head coach Pat Quinn. Quinn is one of the best coaches in the NHL and has coached Canada's world cup teams and Olympic teams, winning a gold medal in Salt Lake City. But Ferguson fired Pat Quinn as head coach of the Leafs in response to the poor season that the Leafs had. But when you look at the talent they had a couple seasons ago (Mats Sundin, Owen Nolan, Joe Nieuwendyk, Gay Roberts, Alexander Mogilny, Brian Leetch, Ron Francis) and how of that list, only Sundin remains, there's really no surprise at all that the Leafs had a disappointing season. But look at how the Leafs battled back towards the end of the season, winning all of their final 5 games. That was Pan Quinn. The players were tired and sick of their disappointing season, but Pat rallied them back to take one last stab at it. And this is how Ferguson repays him. The Leafs were really on a good path towards building a solid team that would have a chance at the cup back when Pat Quinn was the coach and the GM, but ever since Ferguson took over as GM, he has been dismantling the team and now it looks like it may be a long time until the Leafs are able to be a Stanley Cup contender.

The Queen is 80

Queen Elizabeth turns 80 today. Apparently she has received over 17 000 birthday wishes via email, 20 000 via snail mail, and piles of people were waiting outside Winsor Castle to wish her happy birthday when she woke up. This hardly seems fair.

Everyone threw a huge deal when the Queen mother turned 101, but when you think about it, anybody could live that long if they sat around doing squat all. I'm sure the Queen is a very nice lady, but I work at least a hundred times harder than her, and I have nobody waiting outside my house to wish me happy birthday.

The Queen plans on going to a birthday dinner hosted by her son Charles later today, and then her suck-up son will broadcast a television special in honor of his mother. Wow, he really wants that crown.
This is 300 people in New Zealand who woke up early to make an "80" on the lawn of the Government House. I, personally, would prefer to sleep than to celebrate the birthday of some old lady that I don't even know and really has no real power over anything. But that's just me.

The Baby's Here

Yesterday I reported on Tom Cruise and his soon-to-arrive baby. Well it arrived. A 7 lb 7 oz girl. Keeping with celebrity tradition, they gave it quite an original name... Suri. Cruise claims to have chosen it because in Hebrew it means "Princess", but I prefer the Japanese-to-English translation of the word: "pickpocket". Yes, if Tom Cruise's baby ever visits Japan, her name will be Pickpocket. Maybe she'll just hang around with a lot of Hebrew speaking people instead.

The couples spokesman hasn't said whether or not Katie Holmes was permitted by her fiance to use anesthetics or not, and also didn't comment on whether or not Cruise ate the placenta. Although Tom Cruise is a devote Scientologist, a group opposed to medicine, he says that it was not because of his religious beliefs that he didn't want Holmes to have any anesthetics. What a shame. At least that was half of an excuse... all he has left to blame it on now is that he's an asshole.

Tom Cruise Enjoys placenta

Tom Cruise and his fiance, Katie Holmes, are expecting a baby shortly. A while back I reported on celebrities being weird parents and naming their kids after fruit and prophets... but Tom Cruise, by a landslide, wins the Oscar for most mental father of the year.

First, Cruise forbids his wife to scream while she's giving birth. He thinks it's wrong for the first thing his baby hears is screaming. Like it'll remember. Second, he forbids her to use any medications to help relieve some of the pain, saying that it's not natural. And now, to top it all off, Tom Cruise has promised to eat the umbilical cord and placenta. Yes, eat it.

He said in an interview, "I'm gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there."

Now, in some cultures, it was believed that if a mother ate the placenta it could prevent postnatal depression, although there is no medical evidence to back up that this is nothing more than superstition. However, there is no culture and no superstitions about any benefits to the father eating it.

Yup, Tom Cruise is a weird one.

Business Trip Officially Released

My first ever novel is finally published and available to order. As you can tell from the picture on the left, it's called "Business Trip".

Basically it's about a guy, Clint Storm, who is just trying to get by. He hates his country and everything that goes with it, and is really shocked and torn in two directions when the emperor personally asks him to go on a secret mission to secure the empire's future. While he's away, a world-wide attack against his home country breaks out, and Clint gets caught up fighting against his own people. He learns a lot about himself, his family, and his past as he takes you on a fast paced journey that will forever change his world and keep you guessing right up until the end.

And just for all you artsy folk who love to analyze stuff and pick apart books, I've been told that there's a lot of hidden symbolism and all that good stuff in there too. So get your thinking caps on. Or if you just enjoy a good book, just read it through. That's the way it was originally intended anyways.

You can purchase your copy at http://www.lulu.com/content/219672 or if you live around St. John's just send me an email and I may be able to sell you a copy myself. There is a free, ten page, preview of the novel if you follow that link above. Enjoy. And watch out Dan Brown. Remember this face... or... whatever.

Benedict's First Easter

Happy Easter everyone. A weird holiday really. Religiously, it's the most important holiday of the year, yet for some reason it is not even close to the magnitude of Christmas we see celebrated by people all over the world each year. I guess people just love presents. Either way, it's Easter.

Pope Benedict is celebrating his first Easter in office at the Vatican and will be delivering his first ever Easter blessing as Pope. He said he was excited leading up the occasion. I suppose he would. He really doesn't seem to get outside much besides standing on his balcony to wave to people once a day.

Thousands of pilgrims have made the journey to Rome to hear the Pope talk today. I never really understood why Catholics did that. I mean, the Pope's just a normal guy who happens to be in charge of something. I love computers, but I wouldn't travel all the way to Rome to hear Bill Gates deliver an Easter blessing. Now if it was someone important, like Jesus or something, then I could understand going there. Anyone who can taking a beating like he did and still manage to stick around for 2000 years is worth traveling halfway around the world to see. But not the Pope. Just look at that guy's picture. He's just plain creepy. Like Emperor Palpatine trying to do that lightning trick with his hands... without so much success.

No More Red Mile in Calgary

With the NHL's regular season coming to a close, many teams are preparing for the playoffs. Among these, are the Calgary Flames, who proved that they are a serious contender back in 2003-2004, who came within one goal of winning the Stanley Cup. The fans in Calgary were loving it, partying in the middle of 17th Ave. each night that their team won. 17th Ave. quickly became known as Calgary's "Red Mile".

But, the Calgary police have announced that there will be none of that this year. Any celebrations from fans must be done indoors and at a reasonable volume, or so the cops say. Needless to say, the fans aren't too happy about it. Hockey is Canada's sport, so obviously Canadian fans are going to be excited when there team makes it as far as the Flames have.

The players on the Flames aren't too happy about it either. They loved it that the fans supported them so much and got so excited about their playoff run and are disappointed that it won't happen again this year. Well, actually it probably will happen again this year, but the police are threatening to place "rowdy" fans under arrest it they block off that street this year.

Oh my, haven't the cops got anything better to do? Are there no crimes being committed? No drug dealers out selling cocaine to kids? No convenience stores being robbed? Somebody must've given the Calgary police a bad batch of doughnuts. They seem awfully grumpy.

Google Makes Awesome Calendars

Google, the company which seems to do everything right, has struck gold again. They started off with the best search engine the internet has ever seen... then they completely revolutionized web-based email with their Gmail feature. They put MSN messenger to shame with their incredibly sleet and fast instant messenger, GoogleTalk, and now... yet again, they have Bill Gates sweating bullets with their release of GoogleCalendar.

Yesterday, Thursday, Google released this calendar to everyone with a Gmail account. I checked it out, and it is incredible. None of this clicking on an "add event" button and then filling in the time, date, and all that information into a bunch of fields, and then having to re-enter it all if any of the info changes later on. With GoogleCalendar, you click right on your calendar and a little pop-up box appears where you type in your event. If you have your calendar set to a day view, you can even drag the size of the event to cover several hours. And if something has to be moved to another day for some reason, don't worry. Just drag and drop that event to the new day and time. If you want to print off your daily, weekly, or monthly calendar, just click the little printer icon, and GoogleCalendar will automatically convert your selected view to a PDF, ready to print. It's really too cool for me to explain here, so if you have a Gmail account, drop by http://calendar.google.com and check out your calendar. Enjoy.

Britney's Not A Bad Mother... Supposedly

After a few public appearances with her new child being injured, Britney Spears was being blamed for the injuries and there was even a chance that she would face child endangerment charges. Of course, she denies it. She said the kid fell out of his high chair.

Spears' attorney said "They determined that the parents weren't involved in the injury and nothing was improper within the home."

Nothing wrong with that home? Have you seen her husband? Federline looks like he just crawled out of a bar fight after not showering for a few months. This guy is away "rapping" so often to feed his alcohol addiction that I don't even realize who he's married to yet. If you were married to Britney Spear, would you be away as often as he is? Nah-uh!

I won't go as far as to say he's beating his kid... but when you have somebody who's permanently hung over, and somebody else named Britney Spears trying to look after a kid, chances are that it was not properly put into the high chair and that's why it fell. Probably tried to stick him there with chewing gum or scotch tape. But hey, that's cool. She's Britney Spears.

Sundin's Six Saves Leafs for Now

As I've been saying for a long time now, the Leafs are in big trouble and need a lot of help to make it into the post-season. Well, their captain, Matts Sundin, decided to show them how it's done.

Before last night, the Leafs needed to win all of their remaining five games, and hope that the Tampa Bay Lightning loses three of their last four. Their game last night was no easy task, facing the Florida Panthers who have more than their fair share of talent with Jay Bouwmeester, Gary Roberts, Joe Nieuwendyk, superstar Olli Jokinen, and All-Star MVP goalie Roberto Luongo. The Leafs struggled early, giving the Panthers a 2-0 lead, but then Matts Sundin went insane and score two goals to tie it up. But after the Panthers kept answering back with goals of their own, it seemed like the Leafs were going to run out of time. But no, Sundin steps up again, putting in another two goals, and assisting on another to put the game into overtime. And then who should assist on the game winning goal? Yes, the Leaf's captain.

This guy scored or assisted all six goals that the Leafs scored. It was his seventh career hat-trick. Now if only all the Leafs wanted to win as badly as Sundin, they wouldn't be in such of a mess right now.

But hey, they won last night, and the Lightning lost last night. If they can keep it going, they're on a good path. But, I still think it's too little too late.

Proof Shot Dead

The rapper "Proof", a good friend of Eminem and band member in D-12, was shot at a night club after he got into a heated argument which escalated out of control. Ironically, the rapper was killed on Eight Mile Road, sharing its name with a movie by Eminem. "Proof"'s actual name was DeShaun Holton.

But wait. The irony doesn't end there. Most of his songs with D-12 were about gun violence and how he thought it was cool. He is most known for his song "Good Die Young" where he sings "Now my dreams are just dream cops and gun shots." It's pretty bad to be making fun of a dead guy, so I'll just end this now.

Bausch & Lomb Makes a Bad Batch

A popular contact lens solution, Renu, has been linked to causing an eye infection in over 109 people in the U.S. in a fairly small time period. Eight of those people needed corneal transplants to stop them from going blind.

Bausch & Lomb, the company which makes Renu, stopped shipment of all their products when this was brought to their attention. Apparently it was just a problem with a batch of the solution made in one of their factories in the states, so any of you Canadians who use the stuff, don't worry.

The irony here is that eye doctors are always telling people with contacts that if they don't use solution regularly on their contacts, it could damage their vision... and now only the people who listened are going blind. Suckers.

Moses Born In New York

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin must really hate their children. Their first born daughter, they named Apple. Yes, Apple. Like the fruit. They thought it would be cute. Paltrow says she doesn't know what the big fuss was about when the media jumped all over them when they heard what they named their child. Paltrow defended the decision a while back by saying that it sounded "lovely and clean." Yet she still pinned the blame on her husband, saying it was Martin who came up with the name, who says he chose it because apples are biblical due to the expression which originated from the Bible, "The apple of my eye".

But apparently "apple" wasn't quite biblical enough for them, so they stepped it up a notch. This past weekend, the celebrity couple had their second child, and gave it a name guaranteeing that this child also will be ridiculed by its classmates as soon as it starts school: Moses. Yes, Moses. Like the prophet. And again, surprise surprise, the media is all over the couple again, trying to figure out what is going on in their brains. Sigh... celebrities.

No More Magic for Menard

Jean-Michel Menard from Quebec surprised everyone by winning the Brier final over Glen Howard of Ontario. Winning that gave him the right the represent Canada at the World Curling Championship. The team struggled early on, but pull off a 2nd place finish after the round robin. Then they defeated Scotland in the one-two playoff game, only to face them in a rematch in the finals. Similar to the way Menard lost the one-two game to Howard at the Brier, and then battled back to face him again in the finals. And just as Menard got his revenge when he played Howard again, Scotland managed to beat out Menard and win the championship.

For Scotland's David Murdoch, this is a great win. This same team crumbled at the hands of Randy Ferbey last year in the World Championship finals, losing 11-4. Then this year at the Olympics in Italy, they had a disappointing tournament, not even making it to the podium. So as much as I would love to see the Canadians win the worlds this year, I'm kinda glad that Murdoch got it. He's a good guy.

Dr. Team Gushue

As if winning a gold medal at the 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino wasn't enough, now Brad Gushue and his team are going to get honorary degrees from Memorial University. At the university's Convocation this spring, more than 2000 students will receive their degrees. In that group are the six members of Newfoundland's Olympic curling teams; Brad Gushue, Mark Nichols, Russ Howard, Jamie Korab, Mike Adam, and Toby McDonald. The six guys from the gold medal team will all receive honorary doctor of laws degrees at the May 26 session of convocation. Joining them will be leaders from academia, business and the arts.

This isn't the first time that members of this team have received degrees from the university. Brad Gushue has a BBA from MUN, and Mark Nichols also attended MUN and received a kinesiology degree. Mike Adam recently graduated from the College of the North Atlantic and Jamie Korab graduated from Academy Canada in 2001.

To all those people who make fun of curling: HA! I don't see Joe Sakic or Steve Nash getting degrees for doing well at the Olympics... oh wait, they didn't do well at the Olympics. Well yes, Steve Nash did very well considering the team mates he had to work with, but still.

Leafs Hanging On

The Toronto Maple Leafs have been clinging to dear life for a long time now, but they just ain't giving up. Although it may be too little too late, they're still winning enough games to make people wonder. After losing two straight games in a shoot out, they were determined to win on Saturday night against the Philadelphia Flyers, preferably in regulation time. A task which they got to work on right away, scoring twice in the opening period. They added a few more, and the Flyers made some weak attempts at a late game comeback, but the Leafs ended up taking it 5-2.

The Leafs are still seven points back of a playoff spot, and with only five games remaining in the regular season, they'll need to win pretty much all of them, and hope that Montreal and/or Tampa Bay have a serious dry spell.

Menard in Finals

Jean-Michel Menard, who captured the Brier title back in March, is going to face Scotland's David Murdoch in the gold medal game at the Men's World Curling Championship in Lowell, Massachusetts.
After getting off to a slow start, Menard got his game back on track early enough in the tournament to finish in second place with a 8-3 record. They then faced David Murdoch in the one-two playoff game. After winning that game, Canada advanced to the finals, and Murdoch faced Norway in the semi-finals. Scotland won the game and now gets another shot at Menard and his Canadian team. The game will be broadcast on CBC Sunday afternoon.

Justice for Net Celebrity

Everyone knows the Star Wars kids. A teenager from Trois Rivieres was taped in a mock light saber battle with himself in 2003. Fellow students then put the video online, and it spread like wildfire. The kid was a celebrity within weeks. He even got a guest appearance on the new cartoon show, American Dad. Although this guy was the most popular kid on the internet, he received brutal teasing ever since from friends and classmates. His family files a lawsuit against the families of the students who posted the video online, a lawsuit for over $350 000. Ghyslain Raza, the 17 year old "victim" has become the poster boy for lawyers' new favorite word, "cyber-bullying". The Raza family lawyer has said that the case will not be heard in court and that the two parties have settled the patter. The kid obviously did not enjoy all the fame and attention he was receiving. Reporters and news stations were calling and emailing him for months, seeking an interview, to which Raza replied "I want my life back". Ah yes, the tough life of a celebrity. His video was viewed by over 76 million by October of 2004. Since then, enhanced versions of the video (special effects, background music, etc) have also been popping up all over the web. The Gaza family lawyer said in their lawsuit that they sought money for damage to the boy's self-confidence and he changed schools to escape the ridicule of his classmates. He went to a school that specializes in psychiatric help for troubled teens.

Despite how hurt this guy says he is, he has fans, and a website sells shirts saying "I love the Star Wars kid" and they even tried to petition to get him into a Star Wars film, which failed. The site also photoshopped the boy into a few really great looking pictures. Like this one, for example: